A Message of Christmas Hope. December 26 comes 24 hours later

I have have hated Christmas since 1977 when my mother said, "just bring the gifts in and we'll open them around the TV."

In my high school, college, and seminary years when I was home for Christmas, it was some of the most boring times. I could not wait to get into the next school term because a break from school was a trip into boredom.

For at least 32 years since my mom's thoughtless comment, Christmas has been a struggle. I have wanted fulfillment and meaning. There have been a few Christmases that were better than others, but Christmas for me is drudgery as the the holiday itself as the story of the Incarnation does not always move me emotionally.

It has been a little better with kids. They, in their child-like mindsets believe in the magic. Their happiness with the toys at least reminds me that there is more to the world than their problems.

The past few years when they have been able to read advertisements and comprehend TV commercials have been a little annoying: "Daddy, can I have that? Can I? Can I? Can I?" I am able to steel my annoyance with the memory that I did that to my parents at that age too. But it all feeds back into my cynicism.

Okay, while I have gotten little feedback about this blog and I am not sure if people really read this outside of one of the guys I go to church with, I seek to offer you an unique message of hope:

It is okay if you are having a depressing Christmas.

You do not have to have a merry Christmas if you are not feeling merry. There is nothing particularly wrong with you if you are depressed with Christmas as we know it. However,

You just need to survive it.

Commercialism and the music industry has been trying to sell us that we should buy . . . buy . . . buy. They and the news media have insinuated that it is our patriotic duty to go out and max out our credit cards because the retail sectors base their whole business plans on holiday sales. They pass on the not-so subtle message that jobs are on the line if stores do not make their sales projections.

Christmas has traditionally been a time where Christians remember the birth of Jesus Christ. The birth of Jesus is a magnificent story where God comes to earth in the form of a human baby to offer salvation to the world, but I wish to clarify. . .

Christmas as we know it is not in the Bible.

Christmas is an observance that was started by church leaders in the 4th Century AD as an alternative to a pagan celebration. There are certain pagan symbols that were mixed in over the years. For example . . . the Christmas Tree is not in the Bible, neither is the lamb talking to the shepherd boy in the apocryphal song "Do You Hear What I Hear?"

The problem with Families.

We long to have connection and intimacy with the people who get labeled family because we are genetically related to them. However, there are a number of humongous if not catastrophic problems with them.

Many of us out there have family members who do not return our phone calls. We and they have relationships where we are both control freaks and we can't really stand each other for more than two minutes at a time if even then.

Many of us have family members who are just evil perpetrators who have fooled other family members into thinking that they are just the greatest thing since sliced bread. We get around them and we feel sick and angry because we were abused and other family members are in total denial about it.

Many of us have family members who simply have their heads stuck up their own posteriors (I had to clean this one up). They do not listen, nor do they comprehend what we are saying or writing. Some of them are also addicted to substances, sex, work or gambling and they are not emotionally and mentally in gear.

I have no easy answers for your pain today. I have to admit that life is full of pain and coping means

tolerating the distress that we have.

We can only tolerate distress for so long. We must get away from it sooner than later. That is why some people attempt or commit suicide at the holidays--they are stuck in their emotions and days can feel like years.

Now that I mentioned the S-word, I am encouraging you NOT to consider it. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Don't get lost in your emotions.

When people get stuck in their negative emotions, they do not look at the facts. This is when people make mountains out of mole hills. So Let's look at these five (5) facts . . .

1. The Christmas holiday season lasts approximately 30 days each year.
2. December 25 lasts only 24 hours.
3. December 26 comes at the same time every year and marks the end to the regular Christmas season.
4. Being alive on December 26 means that you have survived another Christmas if you did not celebrate it.
5. Surviving Christmas is an acceptable option when you are not celebrating it.

I have my ideas of how to survive Christmas in a healthy way, but I am assuming that if you are reading this, you have a brain of your own to make your own decisions.

See you on December 26.

When have you gotten enough news?

I am quite sure that if you are reading this, I do not have to say much of anything about the economy this week. You are probably well-enough informed about the economy. The media has gone into overdrive to repeat again and again the gloomy, dark and depressing messages about recession, stock market decline and unemployment.

I tease with this quirky statement: I found that my life did not essentially change in the past week even with all the bad news.

But first, I have to go back to my favorite object lesson—that borderline and histrionic nurse I work with—Valerie. She came me more pause for thought with the question: when have you gotten enough information?

She had to go to watch President Bush's brief statement yesterday (Friday, October 10, 2008) morning. She announced that she was going to go to the other room to watch it and the other nurse went with her. Valerie came back sounding disappointed and informed those in the office that it was pretty much like his other statements this week. Well, yeah, I figured that.

In my managerial attempt, I made a philosophical comment that the President was trying to calm people down. It did not work because the semi-retired psychiatrist came with his I-phone and they (Valerie and the doctor) had to talk about the economy again.

The interesting part is that she had not heard anything new yesterday. She just kept repeating and repeating things. As I have mentioned before, Valarie has few limits and incessantly obsesses. She has a problem with setting limits and showing some self-restraint. She is constantly worried about missing something and she is a miserable soul for it, but I do not think she is missing anything.

Are you really missing anything?

I, like others, do not want to miss anything. The question is: in the course of a day, do you really miss anything? Anxiety makes us more sensitive and feel more vulnerable as if we have to stay more in touch.

Also, people with lower self-esteem pretty much do not want to look stupid. The effect of the Valeries of this world create the effect that if you do not know what Valerie seems to know, you are stupid. Gee, they need to pay more attention to the media just like Valerie so you are not looking stupid.

Well, just like the media, Valerie is just repeating things. I figure that 10 years ago, I would have gotten sucked in by Valerie.

I think I have grown personally to see through Valerie and I have found the power to choose not to be like her. So, I share with you my knowledge and whether it works for you is for you to decide.

Parsimony

In a grand sense Valerie serves as a metaphor for the media. The media repeats information. In fact, there is a broadcast principle called “Parsimony.” In the context of Broadcasting, “Parsimony” means that information is scarce and must be repeated and shared as much as possible. That is why the cable networks repeat their news commentary shows at least once in a given day—there is not enough newsworthy stuff happening every moment of the day. On top of that, the AP tends to do a number of rewrites of stories throughout a day or weekend to make the old news seem fresher even when the facts have not changed.

When considering parsimony with my term “media magnified informational intensity” (MMII), I think the media is saying the same things over and over through a given day but increasing the sense of distress for the viewer or listener. The media is kind of being like Valerie—making lots of noise and saying nothing much new, but the stress is being increased because you are exposed to it again and again.

The MMII can eventually give you the distorted sense that your life is going to “hell in a hand basket” with all the changes are are implied to be happening.

The different channels of information affect a number of our senses. You see the information in the digital video and audio clarity over and over again. You can feel the stress and immediacy in the stern tone of the anchors and commentators. You can see the vivid contrasts in the amazing graphs created by computers. You can feel the overwhelming emotion. Your stomach and muscles in your head begin to tighten as your imagination explores what could happen to you.

I think that with technology, and new ways of distributing information, the MMII can only get worse.

The essential luxuries

When it comes to news convenience is being blurred with necessity. It is my impression (perhaps a nostalgic one) that prior to 1979 before CNN came on the air, the news was limited to the 6:30 pm newscasts of the big three networks, the radio, the daily newspaper, and the weeklies. Information came at a slower rate because there were truly fewer opportunities to get the message out and the technology was limited compared to now. Now, there are numerous ways to get the message out.

The electronic age created the paradox of “essential luxuries.” The digital age has amplified the paradox. There are more ways to check information and there will be even more ways to check information in future. You can get information in your paper, on your radio, on your TV, on your home Internet connection, and now on your pagers and cellphones. Some people, in their anxiety have felt the need to constantly check all the different sources of information. Well, they do so at their own peril.

Not all on the cable channels is really news

Where I am going with this is that not all information that comes over the different news media is “fact.” Much of the information is nebulous “analysis” or “opinion,” which means it is an interpretation by the pundit or commentator or expert. For the most part, the political and economic news happens between 9am and 5pm. What happens after that are usually car accidents and crimes.

Furthermore the liberal commentators tend to be negative in their analysis (they more like “awfulize”), and what they say is of little practical use to the average person in the first place. (Conservative commentators are also mostly negative.) Commentators discuss what they think you should believe about a situation. The more negative the opinion, the more emotive and inflammatory they become.

Our bodies and minds are connected and I believe thus, increasing numbers of people are going to become sufferers of “Panic Disorder.” Those already having anxiety disorders such as Valerie will only have more panic attacks. They will not be able to pull themselves away from their TV's, I-Phones and Internet. They will suffer from the MMII effect and make themselves paralyzed.

So, I ask several questions. How much news and opinion do you really need to take in? How much do you really need to listen to so you know what is going on? How often do you really need to go to Drudge or Yahoo News to be sufficiently informed?

Some useful questions

There is a difference between being adequately informed and obsessing. I have decided that a few diagnostic questions are in order to decide how much is too much information? Some are pretty nebulous and vague, while some are blunt.

1. How much do I really need to know what is happening?
2. How much was a directly affected by the information on the news?
3. Did I really learn anything different over watching the news show on the cable channel at night?
4. How much new information was really there over the last hour?
5. How much of a consequence did I suffer because I missed the last hour's newscast?
6. Did I suffer any real consequence because I did not watch the news all day?
7. How much better do you really have it than other people?
8. How likely is it that you are really going to end up in the gutter homeless, broke and starving, and be totally abandoned by everyone you know?
9. (Six part) To gain insight about what is real and what is blown out of proportion by the people around you (family, friends or co-workers).

• Who is constantly talking about all the bad news?
• Are they the ones who are talking a lot about awful things and obsessing about the economy and politics?
• Do they ever admit that they are human and are wrong sometimes?
• Do they ever talk about positive things?
• Do they talk to hear themselves talk?
• How much of a control freak are they?

My answers to the questions

The diagnostic questions could go on and on. But I have determined that the news media pretty much chews my food for me. I have been extra busy at my job lately and I have been fine with catching the news once or twice a day. When I have listened to the news over a couple of hours, I did not learn anything new that I could use and I did not suffer any consequence for missing the news the whole day. And yes, Valerie is a control freak who seems to talk to soothe herself by talking loudly right when she comes in and she is hopelessly dwelling on stuff she can nether control nor change making herself miserable.

Concluding comments

You and I will still likely feel the weight of the current economic situation because it is all around us. People in all corners of society will talk about it, but they are saying nothing new. We can only take care of ourselves and no one else.

Okay, lets say you want to be able to fit in your office or at your family and social gatherings. You need something to talk about. I present to you that you only need to read the paper daily (hard copy or online) and one or two newscasts per day and you will be up to date.

If someone asks you a leading question about whether you have heard this or that on such and such a show? And you do not want to look stupid, I have two suggestions:

• No. I have been limiting my intake of news for the sake of good mental health and so far it seems to be working.
• No. I have been reading this really cool blog that suggests that only so much news is really necessary to be sufficiently informed.

Well, that is another note to myself and whoever else cares. Here is wishing yourself and me peace of mind in the midst of this turbulent time. Your feedback and comments are always welcome.

P.S. . . . I have been given what is hopefully my final set of revisions on my dissertation and I will get to defend in mid-November. If I do not write next weekend, please understand—I will be following my own advice in this blog by getting lost in the quagmire that I have been in for three years, and at least I have some hope that it is over soon.