Hello again.
I get to defend my dissertation this coming week, and I have some time to pontificate. I have some positives going in my life, but as usual there are the negatives.
A lot has appeared to have changed in this world since I last wrote in October. Barak Obama has been elected president--that is a lot in terms of history. I would have thought that many of my staunch democratic co-workers would have been happy and dancing.
Mind you, I am not trying to be partisan here, but many of the more histrionic types at work have been self-righteously angry about how Republicans were evil and anyone who did not vote for Obama were stupid. Okay, now he is elected, and there was only a bit of happiness. Why were they not dancing? I think that they can never be happy.
One particular self-proclaimed "Massacheutts liberal" was still depressed the day after election day. I told him that I thought he would be more ebullient?
These histrionic, self-righteous types have moved onto another fear: that of the economy. We are having some changes at the hospital in the way people will be moved around. The histrionic are afraid all the more. They are talking recession and depression Why?
I have decided that some of the most histrionic and pessimistic types are idealists that cannot see gray areas. I think that this is really true of the staunchest Republicans and the staunchest Democrats. I have some family members who are Republicans and I have co-workers who are Democrats who fit in this category. My coworkers have moved onto the next potential catastrophe.
Well the next catastrophe could be work. There is going to be reorganization. Some programs are going to be closed. Some people are going to be moved around. There is retrenchment on the way at work. There are fears.
I have not heard anything official yet. I was told by equal in the department that he was part of the meeting late yesterday afternoon. He heard the decision.
I had some decisions to make myself at that time. I decided to start telling people about the upcoming changes in a vague, general way.
It turned out to be a good deal, because right after I had started telling people, my equal came over to one of my departments and opened his big mouth and gave far more information than I did. He has poor boundaries.
I had to be the voice of calm and reason. I had to be the one to reassure people. It was not easy damage control.
I think that it is not easy to be calm and think with reason period when others are afraid at work.
We continue to be saturated with bad news. The media continues to intensify the bad news with the MMII (media magnified informational intensification) effect. There is almost a brain-washing effect.
While admitting I do not know what the future holds, I am willing to bet that it will not be as bad as people fear. Yes, the economy is in a downturn, but for 92-94 percent of us, we will keep our jobs. We will have what we need. We will keep busy. We will still be able to afford to go out to eat.
How do we maintain our sanity in times of change and retrenchment when there are fears at work? Here are 10 suggestions:
1. We commit to a simple philosophy of calmness--we do not have to join others in their hysteria.
2. We work hard at our jobs.
3. We turn off the TV and Radio at times.
4. We back away from the people who are obsessing about the recession and talking about it all the time. We eat lunch somewhere else.
5. We do things that we enjoy.
6. When we are not working we do things that matter for the people that matter in our lives.
7. We go to our houses of worship and we practice our faith.
8. We learn new things to better ourselves as people.
9. We choose our attitude each day.
10. We take care of ourselves by proper nutrition, and proper sleep.
These ideas are not going to eradicate the fears at work, but they will help us stay calm. Staying calm takes work and ongoing self-care.
Showing posts with label coping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coping. Show all posts
Friday, November 7, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
The $700 Billion Wall Street bailout. How not to cope.
I thought I would go ahead and put my two cents in on the financial deal going on this week. I will make the usual disclaimer here that I am a social worker and at best a scholar in Urban and Public Affairs and I am not an economist. I am not a specialist in how the financial system works.
I am not going to tell you how the deal is going to work and what you should believe about it. I am not going to tell you how to believe one way or the other about whether the bailout is a technically correct way of dealing with the crisis at hand.
But I am a specialist in helping people cope, and I will aim to help you cope. So I will start with that.
This thing is really stressing people out, and some people are making it worse on themselves.
I presume that anyone reading this has a basic familiarity with what is going on. I use the terms “basic familiarity” because as I read to do my own research, there are many little nuances. If you are a financial analyst, you probably could go into a detailed analysis about derivatives and securities. For me, my knowledge stops at the news. Regardless, the public sentiment is that the whole 700 billion dollar thing seems daunting, overwhelming, and just plain scary.
It seems especially scary because the president got on the air and made a brief speech using strong terms. John McCain really drew attention to it by “suspending his campaign” and almost not making it to the first presidential debate. Congress worked until late last night coming up with a deal they at least are informally in agreement about.
It has been the constant talk of the news shows. The emotional effect is magnanimous. I have decided that I will coin a term, “Media magnified informational intensity.” McLuhan coined the term “Global Village” because of the sense the media gives us that things are closer than they really are. I have decided that the media repetition of topics and information adds an emotional intensity to the situation.
It started 09-11-01 when we all sat watching the news coverage of the attacks. We saw traumatic video repeatedly. We saw people die. We saw it over and over and over again. The media kept repeating it over again to ensure everyone saw it, but too many saw it over and over and over again. It was the same information over and over again, but it appeared like it was too much. The apparent increase amount of information adds emotional intensity and stress to the lives of people.
I think that this has been one of those weeks, where I especially urged my patients to stay away from the news. I wanted them to avoid the media magnified informational intensity of the $700 billion bailout.
I of course had run into some people who cannot get away from the the media effect he past week who are the most histrionic about this whole affair, including: 1.) the nurse I oversee who has Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder, 2.) the social worker who has identified himself as a “Massachusetts liberal,” and staunch Democrat and, 3.) another social worker who strongly votes democratic and hates Bush 43.
Okay, so they are all Democrats, and I am about to paint myself as the Republican that I truly am. But I think that there are lessons for coping using them as non-examples.
Here is the challenge for coping: “$700 billion dollars” is a *%& load of money. At face value, our government is going to spend this *%& load of money to bailout financial institutions who look like they acted foolishly.
Furthermore, I borrow this lead from the story by Charles Babington and Alan Fram of the Associated Press (AP) in the story they filed right after midnight today (09/28/08)
Congressional leaders and the Bush administration reached a tentative
deal early Sunday on a landmark bailout of imperiled financial markets
whose collapse could plunge the nation into a deep recession.
It is a journalistic lead. It has the who, what, when. The “where” was in the dateline.
The negotiation process is the how, and for that you will have to read the story (It was a textbook news story just like from my days in JLMC 201 at Iowa State).
But the part that is really notable to me in the emotional battle to stay calm is the last dependent clause of the sentence:
of imperiled financial markets whose collapse could plunge the nation into a deep recession.
That is where our emotions are . . . in the “could” of it all. The terms Babington and Fram use are extreme terms.
Back to the three people I surveyed—with or without their knowing it (Valerie, Ned and Meg). I will uses those pseudonyms to make this easier to read.
Valerie, the nurse
Right up front, I did not have to ask Valerie about this subject. I did not have to wait for her to start talking right after she sat her stuff down in the mornings—she just did.
Valerie usually comes in and generally spends the first 30 to 45 minutes of her workday being histrionic like Chicken Little. She tends to talk in a loud, distressed voice about all the problems of the world and how she does not know how we are going to survive? The sky is always falling with Valerie.
She did make a few such comments about the $700 billion in the past week. Valerie tends to catastrophize. She also has a negative mental filter. There is little hope coming out of her mouth and her mind is on the worst case scenario.
In my book Valerie has no insight into how she stirs herself up. Valerie claims to be a Baptist, but she also seems to have little sense of being able to practice the comfort and peace that Baptists assert they get from the Bible. I think that Valerie is fooling herself in thinking that she is preparing for the worst by dwelling on the catastrophic possibilities.
I think that the “I don't know what will happen” is something control freaks like Valerie dwell on out of their insecurity. It keeps them being control freaks about everything else.
Valerie is teaching me that inner peace and inner security is based on being able to accept that things are bigger than you. If you want to be calm, be aware that
Ned, the Massachusetts liberal.
I decided to ask Ned myself this week about this. I know Ned hates anything Republican, so I asked him in a hallway at work: “Ned, in 15 words or less, what is your opinion about the situation.”
Ned's response was terse “We're in big trouble.”
To me, Ned is a black and white thinker. I hate to say this again, but the people at the extreme ends of any philosophical matter are black in white in their thinking. Ned has said he is a liberal, and he acts like a staunch liberal.
In all fairness, my father is a black and white conservative. The last time I had any kind of conversation with him about politics, he was angry about the Democrats and he was angry about the liberal media.
Black and white thinkers cannot see the gray area of matters. “Gray” refers to the idea that things are not all bad or all good. Issues generally have many nuances and shades of meaning. “Gray” also points to the idea that the worst-case scenario that can happen is not going to happen. I go back to the AP story I quoted earlier,
of imperiled financial markets whose collapse could plunge the nation into a deep recession.
“Could” does not mean “it will.”
Meg "I just hate Bush"
The last one to talk about is Meg. Meg is someone I used to work closely with. I really like Meg even though her negative mental filter is a bit much. Meg has purchased a calendar for the past three years that have all of the “Bushisms” or alleged stupid comments from Bush 43.
Meg asked me on Thursday what I thought about the bailout? She also made a comment about Bush. When I told her what I thought, I recall her immediately talking about Bush screwing things up.
I invoked my scholar, expert tone of voice. I told her that people give the president too much power. Everyone in the federal government wants it and it will happen. The details are just to come and everyone has to get their two cents in to posture for their home districts. She immediately went from sarcastic to a like “o @#$&'” mode.
I went a little farther. I repeated my comment that I have made repeatedly—Gore would have done much of the same stuff that Bush did. Yeah, the U.S. President is the most powerful man in the world, but he does not have absolute power. That shut her up.
Meg taught me about the negative mental filter in this case. My impression is she obsessed in the following manner “I hate Bush, I hate Bush, I hate Bush.” I have known her for four years, I am confident in my observation—her constant entertainment of one thought has led to a bad attitude and a distorted perspective.
Yes, it is your freedom to hate George W. Bush. It is freedom of speech. But, when you dwell on something it will color the perspective just like a drop of food dye dissipates and colors a whole glass of water. Meg is a pretty sarcastic person overall.
Val, Ned and Meg are all likely guilty of the same thought distortions. Lesson for me.
The world will not end with this bailout—we will be okay.
If you actually read the stories today (September 28, 2008), it is not an all or nothing/black or white proposition—and some think that the Federal Government might actually turn a profit on this deal.
Watch what you think about—balance in your perspective means the difference between sleeping and not sleeping or no panic attack and the need for a Xanax.
Information is only information—the significance you give it is what does a number on your emotions.
I do not have to be like Val, Ned, and Meg.
Well, where we will be at the end of this next week is not exactly anyone's guess. Maybe this recovery will take a year or so, but to myself and whoever else cares . . . we will be okay. It does not mean that we will be perfect, but it does not mean that you and I will be in the middle of the disaster.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Coping with no spending money or being broke
It has been said in a number of different ways that money is power. Money talks and Bull---t walks, right? One more—the new golden rule . . . He who has the gold makes the rules. (I have met people who practice this last one.)
When we do not have money, we tend to have lower self-esteem. We do not want to be without money. When we do not have it we vulnerable and insecure. We can worry about the worst possible things that can happen to our cars, houses, and our health.
Many people go to town in false confidence with credit cards as a money-substitute. But like the saccharin-based sugar substitutes, high interest rates and aggressive collection departments give a bad aftertaste. People can go bankrupt being unable to make the minimum payments on several maxed-out credit cards. You still need money if you have credit because the bills will come every month.
In the times of recession, people have less money. They tend to find themselves having to spread the money more and more thinly. They have to stretch their money farther and farther. The money runs out and you will not have any money sooner than later and they are broke!
Yes, we need money for necessary things and services, but there are many times when the necessities go up in price or we have just enough money for the bills and basic groceries. After that, the checking account has just a few dollars and there is no extra money for 10 to 13 to 25 days until the next paycheck.
Many people are in pain because they do not have the spending money they used to have, or feel they should have, or that other people feel that they should have. Well, the reality is that they do not have the money. They can either cope or fall apart.
I have decided that there are four concepts of personal growth that come into play here. The first is that one is going to have to grieve the reality that they do not have the spending money they want to have or feel that they should have. Second, they are going to have practice contentment and I do mean practice. Third, you are going to survive through the discovery of the character of other people and whether or not you will continue to have relationships with them. Lastly, you can thrive and use your creativity.
GRIEF AND LOSS
Yes, I think that people who are wanting to cope in healthy ways without money have to go through the grief process. Kubler-Ross (1969) identified the stages of the grief process as:
1.) being in shock or denial,
2.) being mad,
3.) trying to bargain within themselves,
4.) being depressed and feeling stuck, and then
5.) acceptance of the situation or reality.
It is easy to discuss this grief process. But when you are going through it, it is painful, disorienting, and just plain miserable. It is like your private dungeon, experience of being lost in the desert or wilderness after your plane has crashed. You have lost something that is of meaning to you when you do not have the money you think you should. Your pride is tremendously hurt and you do not know where you are at or whether you will survive. You may have based your identity on having money in your pocket to spend it whenever you wanted to and you are now embarassed.
You can feel like you are living on the edge of dying. It feels like all you can see is your lack of money. It is all you can think about.
Shock/Denial
Bargaining is trying to make deals to get back to the old situation. It is a way of trying to re-establish control over the situation. I think that people will search over all their accounts for mistakes in numbers—looking for money. They might call their former employer back begging for the job back. They might try to keep hitting their debtors (people they lent or gave money to) again and again for the money.
Depression
Depression hits when someone is done bargaining. It is the reality that you are stuck, you cannot regain control of the situation, and you cannot go back, and the bargaining is over. It too is a miserable stage. People may fall like they are going to fall off the earth. You have always looked or played some part you thought you needed to, and now you can no longer do it. Some people can become clinically depressed. (If you are feeling clinically depressed and feeling like you want to die—GET SOME HELP—please call your local mental health agency, your police authority or go to your nearest hospital—the problem of not having money is a temporary problem that can be solved.)
Acceptance
Out of the acceptance stage I think people begin to practice contentment. I think for the purposes of this blog, contentment means being in a state of relative tranquility or peace about a situation in order to show self-control and self-restraint.
I use the term practice strongly here because contentment is generally something that does not just happen to someone. Contentment is a state one chooses to create and maintain.
I think that it is different from self-control and self-restraint. To maintain self-control and self-restraint, you need some level of contentment.
As children, we did not have contentment. We wanted stuff. We wanted what we wanted. We threw tantrums in stores when we did not get what we wanted or get our way. We learned to cope with not getting what we wanted in a round-about way. We got conditioned to the idea that we were not going to get the candy or toy in the store through consequences or through the hard reality of crying and recovering from the tears. Little by little we became content in a child-like way.
I think that well-adjusted adults gained a basic sense of contentment through the human development process. Those adults that never developed contentment are likely to have issues of addiction (food, spending, gambling, substances, work, control/codependency, etc). John
Yes, we talk to ourselves. Some people hold conversations with themselves out loud, and some keep in their heads, but we all talk to ourselves. We are either going to tear ourselves down or build ourselves up with the talk in our heads. We originally learned to talk to ourselves from our families and we continue to talk to ourselves as our parents and grandparents did. For many of us adults, personal growth means taking charge of the talk inside our heads.
When we do not have money, we tend to have lower self-esteem. We do not want to be without money. When we do not have it we vulnerable and insecure. We can worry about the worst possible things that can happen to our cars, houses, and our health.
Many people go to town in false confidence with credit cards as a money-substitute. But like the saccharin-based sugar substitutes, high interest rates and aggressive collection departments give a bad aftertaste. People can go bankrupt being unable to make the minimum payments on several maxed-out credit cards. You still need money if you have credit because the bills will come every month.
In the times of recession, people have less money. They tend to find themselves having to spread the money more and more thinly. They have to stretch their money farther and farther. The money runs out and you will not have any money sooner than later and they are broke!
Yes, we need money for necessary things and services, but there are many times when the necessities go up in price or we have just enough money for the bills and basic groceries. After that, the checking account has just a few dollars and there is no extra money for 10 to 13 to 25 days until the next paycheck.
Many people are in pain because they do not have the spending money they used to have, or feel they should have, or that other people feel that they should have. Well, the reality is that they do not have the money. They can either cope or fall apart.
I have decided that there are four concepts of personal growth that come into play here. The first is that one is going to have to grieve the reality that they do not have the spending money they want to have or feel that they should have. Second, they are going to have practice contentment and I do mean practice. Third, you are going to survive through the discovery of the character of other people and whether or not you will continue to have relationships with them. Lastly, you can thrive and use your creativity.
GRIEF AND LOSS
Yes, I think that people who are wanting to cope in healthy ways without money have to go through the grief process. Kubler-Ross (1969) identified the stages of the grief process as:
1.) being in shock or denial,
2.) being mad,
3.) trying to bargain within themselves,
4.) being depressed and feeling stuck, and then
5.) acceptance of the situation or reality.
It is easy to discuss this grief process. But when you are going through it, it is painful, disorienting, and just plain miserable. It is like your private dungeon, experience of being lost in the desert or wilderness after your plane has crashed. You have lost something that is of meaning to you when you do not have the money you think you should. Your pride is tremendously hurt and you do not know where you are at or whether you will survive. You may have based your identity on having money in your pocket to spend it whenever you wanted to and you are now embarassed.
You can feel like you are living on the edge of dying. It feels like all you can see is your lack of money. It is all you can think about.
My feeling is that you are reading this because you are reading it for you—you are likely grieving. You may or may not be experiencing this grief or loss exactly the way I am describing it.
Shock/Denial
Shock or denial can be a number of things. Someone in denial may continue to get things on credit cards even though they do not even begin to have the money to pay the bill (nor will they have the money to pay even the minimum). But it is probably more like the statement: “I cannot believe I have the money I want to have” rolling over and over in your mind.
Being mad is another stage of grief. I think that in this stage, there is anger towards oneself over not saving money or getting into such bad debt problems, not saving money, or buying large ticket items (this also means feeling guilty). There can be anger at oneself for getting fired or laid off (and thus even more guilt). There can be anger towards the former employer for not keeping things afloat. There can be anger at incumbent politicians for the way the economy is. There can be anger at spouses or significant others for the way they spent money or wanted to spend money. There can be anger at children who dare ask you for money to buy something frivolous. There can be anger at family members or friends who borrowed money when they needed it and who did not pay you back and still cannot or won't pay you back. People can be just irritable and miserable and guilty-feeling during this stage.
Being mad is another stage of grief. I think that in this stage, there is anger towards oneself over not saving money or getting into such bad debt problems, not saving money, or buying large ticket items (this also means feeling guilty). There can be anger at oneself for getting fired or laid off (and thus even more guilt). There can be anger towards the former employer for not keeping things afloat. There can be anger at incumbent politicians for the way the economy is. There can be anger at spouses or significant others for the way they spent money or wanted to spend money. There can be anger at children who dare ask you for money to buy something frivolous. There can be anger at family members or friends who borrowed money when they needed it and who did not pay you back and still cannot or won't pay you back. People can be just irritable and miserable and guilty-feeling during this stage.
Bargaining
Bargaining is trying to make deals to get back to the old situation. It is a way of trying to re-establish control over the situation. I think that people will search over all their accounts for mistakes in numbers—looking for money. They might call their former employer back begging for the job back. They might try to keep hitting their debtors (people they lent or gave money to) again and again for the money.
Depression
Depression hits when someone is done bargaining. It is the reality that you are stuck, you cannot regain control of the situation, and you cannot go back, and the bargaining is over. It too is a miserable stage. People may fall like they are going to fall off the earth. You have always looked or played some part you thought you needed to, and now you can no longer do it. Some people can become clinically depressed. (If you are feeling clinically depressed and feeling like you want to die—GET SOME HELP—please call your local mental health agency, your police authority or go to your nearest hospital—the problem of not having money is a temporary problem that can be solved.)
Acceptance
The feeling of acceptance tends to creep in during the depression stage. Acceptance usually means that one begins to see that it is possible to move on and heal. In this case I imagine that one sees that other people cope without extra money, so you can do it too. A person also might begin to see (really see) that there is a difference between wants and needs, and that life is not all about money. Lastly, I think that acceptance means being able to see this time as a chapter in one's life that will end and a more prosperous chapter will begin.
Not everyone will experience grief over not having spending money in their pocket in the same way. Some will take it harder than others. More will be said about this.
Not everyone will experience grief over not having spending money in their pocket in the same way. Some will take it harder than others. More will be said about this.
PRACTICE CONTENTMENT.
Out of the acceptance stage I think people begin to practice contentment. I think for the purposes of this blog, contentment means being in a state of relative tranquility or peace about a situation in order to show self-control and self-restraint.
I use the term practice strongly here because contentment is generally something that does not just happen to someone. Contentment is a state one chooses to create and maintain.
I think that it is different from self-control and self-restraint. To maintain self-control and self-restraint, you need some level of contentment.
As children, we did not have contentment. We wanted stuff. We wanted what we wanted. We threw tantrums in stores when we did not get what we wanted or get our way. We learned to cope with not getting what we wanted in a round-about way. We got conditioned to the idea that we were not going to get the candy or toy in the store through consequences or through the hard reality of crying and recovering from the tears. Little by little we became content in a child-like way.
I think that well-adjusted adults gained a basic sense of contentment through the human development process. Those adults that never developed contentment are likely to have issues of addiction (food, spending, gambling, substances, work, control/codependency, etc). John
Bradshaw has defined an addiction as a pathological relationship with a mood-altering experience that has life damaging consequences (Bradshaw, 1986 Shame and Addiction Video). I suggest though, that there is a basic building block in every adult for contentment. You are just going to have to find a new way to apply it now. (I will discuss contentment in another blog soon.)
We begin to practice contentment in three ways: changing our negative self-talk to healthy self-talk, we do the self-talk everyday, and we change our behavior and habits.
We practice it by talking to ourselves in affirmations or slogans. We tell ourselves things like:
- I have what I need today.
Nobody gets everything they want.
It is okay if I do not have everything I want.
I will make it.
It will be okay.
We all live life one day at a time.
I will be okay.
The world will not end because I do not have any extra money in my pocket.
I am a good person making it in this world and some days are going to be harder than others.
This too shall pass.
I am going to be a stronger person for getting through this.
Money is not everything.
I am thankful for what I have today.
Yes, we talk to ourselves. Some people hold conversations with themselves out loud, and some keep in their heads, but we all talk to ourselves. We are either going to tear ourselves down or build ourselves up with the talk in our heads. We originally learned to talk to ourselves from our families and we continue to talk to ourselves as our parents and grandparents did. For many of us adults, personal growth means taking charge of the talk inside our heads.
Next, we practice contentment daily. It is hard work and one must use these affirmations frequently to be content. Advertisers count on consumers not being content. Advertisers try to create the appearance of needs, and so our self-esteem is going to be under attack. It takes critical thinking when looking at advertising to maintain contentment. We must constantly ask ourselves if we honestly need that stuff?
Third, we practice contentment behaviorally by our choices. We avoid those places that lead to us to think “Gee, I wish I had that.” We choose contentment by making budgets. We choose contentment by taking up the practice of bargaining shopping and making a hobby out of how much can we squeeze our money, so we can save what little money we do have. (My original penny jar was a creation of my squeezing as much value as I could out of my money.)
CHARACTER
In a sense I find myself writing something that sounds like a recovery piece for someone recovering from addiction. A slogan in the different recovery programs or groups includes that you must change your playground. I think that in our reality of not having money in our pocket, we will find people who will continue to have money and who will not empathize with our plight and will make fun of us—or even shun us.
Yes, there are immature and cruel people in this world, and we discover them everyday. We always run the risk of discovering the immaturity and cruelty in our family and friends each and everyday we breathe. As one of my colleagues put it well: if you get to know me long enough, you will see me get stupid.
Well, the people who make fun of others in this plight are stupid and I have taken the attitude of “don't let the door hit you in the buttocks on the way out.” (I am trying to keep it clean here—so you can fill in the A-word). There may be another reason for grief and loss here over some friends who are no longer part of your life, but your life will move on. Tomorrow will come with or without them.
I have decided that people of good character are mindful or insightful that it could happen to them too. They also have respect for people in general. They have taste and manners. In other words, they are mature.
Some people are not as mature. As a social worker I have ran into them quite frequently. They never developed the insight as to the human plight so as to be sensitive to the suffering of others. They do not have the room in their hearts and minds to be respectful. They may actually be selfish and have their own private, childish agenda—believing that you are going to ask them for money—which is THEIR'S THEIRS THEIR'S and not YOURS YOURS YOURS. They would probably not be able to get through the grieving process themselves to the point of healthy coping and wind up in a psychiatric facility or institution.
So, when someone insults or belittles you for not having money in your pocket to go somewhere or do something—look at the other side of things and the character of people. Good people are mature people and sympathetic people in this case.
THRIVING
Thriving without money in your pocket I think means being able to be happy regardless of whether or not you have money in your pocket. Yes, it may feel like surviving at first, but in many cases, the difference between surviving and thriving is your perspective and attitude. In thriving, you are looking more at what you can do today, in surviving, you are more mindful of what you cannot do today because you do not have money.
Thriving and surviving become lifestyles. People build their lives around one or the other. I have decided that the people who are “survivors” from trauma usually build their lives around the idea of surviving. Everything they do . . . and most of what they think has to do with living in their pain and surviving the pain. Survivors become victims of themselves and tend to alienate others because of the survivor's whining. To start thriving means to start choosing to be happy and doing things to make you happy.
I suppose that this is a time where someone can start improving themselves by reading or learning new things. I think that the act of bettering yourself is a great way of thriving. My recommendation is to go down the video aisle of your nearby public library and start noting things that you have wanted to learn about. Make a list. Throwing yourself into a new pursuit that you can focus your energies on is a beginning start.
This is also a great time to start reading books. Reading is a great way to spend your time without spending money. Whether you are about fiction, non-fiction, or biographies, learning distracts you from unnecessarily dwelling on your pain.
Lastly, if you do not feel like reading, volunteer someplace. Make a difference in this world in some little way. Thinking about the help you are giving is a lot better than dwelling on not having any money.
CONCLUSION (FOR NOW OF COURSE):
I make the disclaimer that even though you can do everything I am recommending, the pain of not having the spending money you would like to have is never totally going away. We have to practice contentment everyday in some way and some days will require more work than others.
I have not discussed the matter of faith in this blog, but faith is a resource that helps people through these times. The Bible has much about contentment and material things, and human character. The Bible also has much about peace and being able to rest inside while the rest of the world seems to be in turmoil. It is a good book. If you comment on this blog, I will be more than happy to discuss what I mean and tell you where in the Bible that material can be found.
I close by emphasizing that getting the point of contentment is not going to be easy—whether you are a religious or non-religious person. I think if you are in enough pain about it and want to do something about it—you will follow the strategies I am recommending. They will work if you give it some time and keep doing them.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
What a recession teaches us.
Forgive me if this sounds too much like a long platitude, but I offer thoughts that have no easy answers, but I think I have an idea where the answers are. There are no freebies—the answers for me are not necessarily the exact answers for you.
A recession is a time of depression and suffering. It is like a warped or evil holiday season that goes on and on and on beyond January 1 where the music does not stop, the decorations are still up and the holiday food has gone rancid. Even if someone is doing just fine economically and is not directly affected by the economic downturn, there is the tendency to be depressed in some form because of the nature of empathy and the pervasive nature of a recession.
Empathy is that ability to feel what other people are feeling. It is somewhat of a spiritual concept because it is a connection that we make with people. We feel the pain in a recession as it is reported on the TV, in the newspapers and magazines, church sermons, and the tales of others.
There is almost an addiction or compulsion or obsession to talk about the recession on TV. (Pain is one of the underlying factors of addiction and compulsion.) It is almost like the air around us. It is like a 90-degree day with 60 percent humidity that lasts for months where we are uncomfortable and cannot get relief.
Although things may actually be going better for some of us, we feel the pain because the recession is spoken of everywhere all the time. It monopolizes our senses and feelings and we are overwhelmed. A recession can have the same effect of “job burnout” on people where we are tired all the time, we do not perform well, and we need a break.
We do not want pain. Pain is a sensation that tells you that something is wrong. We as human beings want to avoid pain. Me included. The irony is that we cannot avoid it during a recession. We have to feel it as part of this existence called life and it teaches us intangibles that we can listen to or repeat the pain all over again because we did not get the lessons the first time.
The recession of 1991-1992 was a time of pain that taught me a lot. I was 26. I had a masters degree and I was not finding a job in my chosen field. I was driving a school bus and I was trying to sell cellular/wireless phones when they were still a high-ticket item and the airtime minutes were outrageously expensive. Few people wanted wireless phones during that time because they were a luxury. I learned about what a shyster the guy I was working for was—what was I thinking?
I was living essentially hand to mouth and month to month at that time. I found that I was not going to get a job in the area of my masters. I was not going to get a job in the field of my undergraduate degree either. I found myself feeling pretty stupid for my education choices as they were dead-ends at the time.
I had many thoughts and feelings. I was frustrated. I was ashamed. I was in a wilderness. I was in a desert of paradox: I was not where I wanted to be but I could not really tell where I wanted to be.
The first lesson that we learn from the pain of the recession is we learn where it is that we do not want to be. We learn the consequences of choices from frustration and shame. Two questions we do fear are: What do you do for a living? Tell me about yourself? Another question we don't want to have to answer is: Now why did your last job end?
We learn what it is that we value. I learned to value that I needed to find a profession that was practical and more recession-proof, while still finding a job that was significant and meaningful. Many of us will have to settle for not so glamourous jobs that are part of the regular grind and find our meaning and significance elsewhere outside of work.
The pain of a recession can also teach us simplicity. The United States is such a complicated culture where many luxuries have become essentials. While cable or satellite television is a nice convenience, they are necessities in the eyes of many. Eating out is as much a matter of convenience and prestige, but eating at home gets us by just fine—although my steak on my grill does not taste as good as the steak at the restaurant. We get back in touch with what it is that we need and do not need.
I think I learned simplicity. I had food and shelter. I had what I needed from day to day. Of course it would have been nice to have cable and the ability to go out, but my life did not end without those things. I learned how very little I really needed compared to what I thought I needed. I learned that in a sense we all live day by day even though we have huge plans for what the future should be like. It was a painful lesson.
The pain of a recession includes acquainting us with our vulnerability and learning to cope with it. There is power in having money in your pocket. You also may have had the confidence that if you have to incur debt with your credit card you can pay it off ( and won't default on your account because you can make the monthly minimum). With recessions, the money is not in our pocket and we think twice about the debt. I learned to be respectful of debt and to work to live more within my means.
We can become mindful that we too are vulnerable, and it can lead to dwelling on the worst possible things that can happen to us? Panic attacks are not uncommon as a body cannot only take so much anxiety. A panic attack is the fight or flight response jacked up a couple of notches where the anxiety comes out physically in an intense form that mimics a heart attack.
I think I came to be in touch with my vulnerability. I think that the people who deny that they are vulnerable are more likely to have panic attacks than those who accept that everyone is vulnerable in some way. I learned that other people were vulnerable too.
Pain and suffering also teaches character. My nice but sometimes misguided mother believed in “sanding” of people where the rough edges are taken off. A like analogy is “trial by fire.” We can be like gold purified by fire. The stuff that is not gold floats to the top. (Of course there are more profane things that are said to float to the top—but the effect is still the same—it is somewhat of a sifting process.)
I think I learned character. I had to be me. I had to be who I was. It really did not matter that I had a master's degree or that I had an internship where I did some really bad morning newscasts on morning TV as a college student. It was humbling because the things I had put stock in meant nothing—during the recession it was all about who I was in the moment in relationships. Who I was . . . was all I had.
There was an end to my recession. In 1992 I headed to another city with my family's help to begin another master's degree that has been my profession since. I learned that recessions do end.
I saw that the vast majority of people kept things together in a recession. While there is always the possibility that someone can wind up sleeping in their car because they are out in the street, it really is because their judgment is so extremely poor that they do so many stupid things. While jobs do get lost and mortgages get foreclosed on, cable and Internet gets turned off, people do figure out a way to keep roofs over their heads and food on the table. (The black and white thinking is what makes people think that all is going to be lost.) Keep your head on, and make careful, conservative choices and your odds begin to increase dramatically that you will be ok.
In a grand sense, there was meaning in my suffering--it had purpose and made me better. I was not looking for the lessons. They were all after-thoughts. They did not all strike me at one time nor did they strike me like lightning. The lessons were quiet that came in bits and pieces. I found myself praying many, many times a day for grace. Am I a better person because of my suffering? Yes I think so?
Does it matter to the people I know that I have had these lessons? They probably could care less because they are all busy with their own lives. However, it does matter to me because I live within my skin and know my own thoughts, and I am more at peace because of those lessons.
Some people will never learn these lessons. That is sadly also the pain of living this life, but again that is life.
A recession is a time of depression and suffering. It is like a warped or evil holiday season that goes on and on and on beyond January 1 where the music does not stop, the decorations are still up and the holiday food has gone rancid. Even if someone is doing just fine economically and is not directly affected by the economic downturn, there is the tendency to be depressed in some form because of the nature of empathy and the pervasive nature of a recession.
Empathy is that ability to feel what other people are feeling. It is somewhat of a spiritual concept because it is a connection that we make with people. We feel the pain in a recession as it is reported on the TV, in the newspapers and magazines, church sermons, and the tales of others.
There is almost an addiction or compulsion or obsession to talk about the recession on TV. (Pain is one of the underlying factors of addiction and compulsion.) It is almost like the air around us. It is like a 90-degree day with 60 percent humidity that lasts for months where we are uncomfortable and cannot get relief.
Although things may actually be going better for some of us, we feel the pain because the recession is spoken of everywhere all the time. It monopolizes our senses and feelings and we are overwhelmed. A recession can have the same effect of “job burnout” on people where we are tired all the time, we do not perform well, and we need a break.
We do not want pain. Pain is a sensation that tells you that something is wrong. We as human beings want to avoid pain. Me included. The irony is that we cannot avoid it during a recession. We have to feel it as part of this existence called life and it teaches us intangibles that we can listen to or repeat the pain all over again because we did not get the lessons the first time.
The recession of 1991-1992 was a time of pain that taught me a lot. I was 26. I had a masters degree and I was not finding a job in my chosen field. I was driving a school bus and I was trying to sell cellular/wireless phones when they were still a high-ticket item and the airtime minutes were outrageously expensive. Few people wanted wireless phones during that time because they were a luxury. I learned about what a shyster the guy I was working for was—what was I thinking?
I was living essentially hand to mouth and month to month at that time. I found that I was not going to get a job in the area of my masters. I was not going to get a job in the field of my undergraduate degree either. I found myself feeling pretty stupid for my education choices as they were dead-ends at the time.
I had many thoughts and feelings. I was frustrated. I was ashamed. I was in a wilderness. I was in a desert of paradox: I was not where I wanted to be but I could not really tell where I wanted to be.
The first lesson that we learn from the pain of the recession is we learn where it is that we do not want to be. We learn the consequences of choices from frustration and shame. Two questions we do fear are: What do you do for a living? Tell me about yourself? Another question we don't want to have to answer is: Now why did your last job end?
We learn what it is that we value. I learned to value that I needed to find a profession that was practical and more recession-proof, while still finding a job that was significant and meaningful. Many of us will have to settle for not so glamourous jobs that are part of the regular grind and find our meaning and significance elsewhere outside of work.
The pain of a recession can also teach us simplicity. The United States is such a complicated culture where many luxuries have become essentials. While cable or satellite television is a nice convenience, they are necessities in the eyes of many. Eating out is as much a matter of convenience and prestige, but eating at home gets us by just fine—although my steak on my grill does not taste as good as the steak at the restaurant. We get back in touch with what it is that we need and do not need.
I think I learned simplicity. I had food and shelter. I had what I needed from day to day. Of course it would have been nice to have cable and the ability to go out, but my life did not end without those things. I learned how very little I really needed compared to what I thought I needed. I learned that in a sense we all live day by day even though we have huge plans for what the future should be like. It was a painful lesson.
The pain of a recession includes acquainting us with our vulnerability and learning to cope with it. There is power in having money in your pocket. You also may have had the confidence that if you have to incur debt with your credit card you can pay it off ( and won't default on your account because you can make the monthly minimum). With recessions, the money is not in our pocket and we think twice about the debt. I learned to be respectful of debt and to work to live more within my means.
We can become mindful that we too are vulnerable, and it can lead to dwelling on the worst possible things that can happen to us? Panic attacks are not uncommon as a body cannot only take so much anxiety. A panic attack is the fight or flight response jacked up a couple of notches where the anxiety comes out physically in an intense form that mimics a heart attack.
I think I came to be in touch with my vulnerability. I think that the people who deny that they are vulnerable are more likely to have panic attacks than those who accept that everyone is vulnerable in some way. I learned that other people were vulnerable too.
Pain and suffering also teaches character. My nice but sometimes misguided mother believed in “sanding” of people where the rough edges are taken off. A like analogy is “trial by fire.” We can be like gold purified by fire. The stuff that is not gold floats to the top. (Of course there are more profane things that are said to float to the top—but the effect is still the same—it is somewhat of a sifting process.)
I think I learned character. I had to be me. I had to be who I was. It really did not matter that I had a master's degree or that I had an internship where I did some really bad morning newscasts on morning TV as a college student. It was humbling because the things I had put stock in meant nothing—during the recession it was all about who I was in the moment in relationships. Who I was . . . was all I had.
There was an end to my recession. In 1992 I headed to another city with my family's help to begin another master's degree that has been my profession since. I learned that recessions do end.
I saw that the vast majority of people kept things together in a recession. While there is always the possibility that someone can wind up sleeping in their car because they are out in the street, it really is because their judgment is so extremely poor that they do so many stupid things. While jobs do get lost and mortgages get foreclosed on, cable and Internet gets turned off, people do figure out a way to keep roofs over their heads and food on the table. (The black and white thinking is what makes people think that all is going to be lost.) Keep your head on, and make careful, conservative choices and your odds begin to increase dramatically that you will be ok.
In a grand sense, there was meaning in my suffering--it had purpose and made me better. I was not looking for the lessons. They were all after-thoughts. They did not all strike me at one time nor did they strike me like lightning. The lessons were quiet that came in bits and pieces. I found myself praying many, many times a day for grace. Am I a better person because of my suffering? Yes I think so?
Does it matter to the people I know that I have had these lessons? They probably could care less because they are all busy with their own lives. However, it does matter to me because I live within my skin and know my own thoughts, and I am more at peace because of those lessons.
Some people will never learn these lessons. That is sadly also the pain of living this life, but again that is life.
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