I can finally write this stuff. I have been unable to write for about eight days the pain of it all has been too great to write it.
I thought that I had applied for an internal promotion at work. I applied on the in-house, web-based system and uploaded my new resume. I told my supervisor that I had applied for it. I told the people around me that I had applied for it.
My goal was to be open with everyone to cut down on the gossip in the office and I also told people that I did not think that I would get it because I figured that the chosen one was going to get it, and I was not the chosen one.
About 13 days later, I called a particular person in human resources about the process. I wanted to know where things were? Well, the next day I found out the truth.
The Bomb Drops.
Two weeks after I thought I had applied, they announced the "winner." For me, my boss announced it in a department meeting the day after they had announced it. I (in a rare impulse) blurted that I did not get an interview for it.
I ran down to human resources after the meeting. I got a blank look from the clerk. She did not have me as having applied for the job.
I went home depressed. I had plans for going to the neighborhood association meeting and face all those vigilantes who soundly defeated me from being the chair. I forced myself to move.
I went into the bank after dinner and the branch manager handled my transaction. He asked me how I was doing? I told him that I probably could probably have complain about stuff but that I was okay given what I had under the circumstances.
This wowed me. He shook my hand and told me that I seemed to be someone of character. He at least had me thinking about the operative word Character.
I managed my way through the neighborhood association meeting even though vigilante #1 (on my block) walked by me in her borderline personality way without saying a word to me and avoiding eye contact with me for the whole meeting. I was able to get to sleep without the need for medication.
The day after.
My boss talked to her boss. My boss had been a cheerleader for my getting a promotion since I was open with her. Both sent me me either e-mails or copies of e-mails to human resources. My boss told me that another promotion was coming open. One human resource recruiter responded back in a cold, bureaucratic way without apology that there were only so many people who had applied for the job (he got an "F" in internal customer service from me).
The two human resources people that I had talked to were quite confused and it took a second conversation to get the point across that the *&#$ website did not work for me. I finally got an apology for the organization moving from the paper to web-based system.
The phone call with Human Resources took place in front of "Fritz" and the nurse who I have cited as being guilty of awfulizing. The nurse complimented me about how I talked to the H.R. rep. Both Fritz and the nurse gave me rare sympathy.
It also turned out that there was something of a human drama where me, my boss, and my boss's boss all made assumptions. I assumed that my application had gone through. My boss, who had interviewed two of the individuals assumed her boss was interviewing me separately. My boss's boss had assumed I had changed my mind because she had not received my application.
The Emotional Fallout
I was very mad. I felt that I was cheated. I felt stupid. I felt awkward. I was numb. I thought my boss's boss had made some serious mistakes because she had moved the hiring process at warp speed as it was only 14 days from first internal listing to actually announcing the winner.
I did not hear my boss's boss's high heals clunking in the hallway the next day. I knew she was in the office given her two e-mails, but I got the sense that she was avoidant. I thought that was good because I needed the distance. Everything she had done to that point was at warp speed.
She has identified herself as a "high performer." I have identified her as "driven" and a "bull in a china shop" because of her string of rapid decisions with subsequent recinds. Driven is really not a good state to be in because there is really no inner peace and the judgment in terms of management decisions tends to be poor.
I tried to logically tell myself that I was receiving divine redirection. To be truthful, it still did not end the pain.
I did have one conversation on the day after the announcement with my boss. My boss (being a borderline personality) was coping probably worse that I was. She was calling me again and again with some pretty weird concerns. She then called me down to her office.
She immediately started to discuss the problem about working for her since I was applying for other jobs. I told her that since I have the Ph.D. I owed it to my family to move off the line (I should have said myself included). We talked about the boffo of my not getting the inteview for the promotion. I told her openly that it was awkward, but it at least helped that finally someone from human resources apologized for the web-based system. The conversation was of marginal help.
The weekend aftermath.
In the midst of the next several days I had felt pretty dark. I was sad and but I had spurts of energy with my anger. I was mad at myself and I was mad at my boss's boss.
I had hopes for a promotion with a salary increase. I had hopes for the next promotion that I could actually have the title "manager" or "director." I found myself grieving.
So, I have been feeling stuck, like I imagine others to be feeling.
During the next few days, the news about increasing unemployment rates also made me depressed. I thought back to my days in early 1992 when I was looking for a ministerial job after I had graduated from seminary and I had received two flush letters from churches that were cold--and my hopes for being in parish ministry as an associate were dashed in the midst of a recession.
I still hurt eight days later. This kind of crap hurts. It is supposed to hurt. It is human to hurt.
We try to pose as tough, mature human beings, but no matter how tough the exterior shell or mask we put on we still hurt on the tender inside. Being tough can be a private hell if it is taken to extremes.
Accepting our tender side makes us real, and free. Being real has been one of my pursuits.
While we need interpersonal boundaries and not give too much information to people, telling trusted people that we are hurting in and of itself is healing and relieving of sorts--it is much of the basis of what helps people in individual therapy.
This last week of January 2009 has not been one of the worst in the history of the United States, but it has been painful. The joy of Barack Obama becoming the first African-American president appears to have been forgotten with all the news stories of layoffs and unemployment.
The pain will go on for awhile. Right now the news media is not exactly offering us any hope. The president is not exactly offering us any hope either. (Of course, I think that he is using the current rhetoric of pending economic depression to push his stimulus package through.)
Many of us are screaming inside. Many of us are anxious and worried if our jobs will be safe or if we will ever get another job? The current news is not helping.
I had a lot of restless energy to deal with during the days both from the national news, and my personal stuff. I wore myself out in two ways: I took a hatchet and chopped up a lot of tile on the garage floor, and I concentrated on my next journal article submission. I also baked a lot of pizza for an office pizza party.
During the chopping of the floor, I wondered if my whole chances of advancement in the organization were shot? I pondered what I needed to do to make some kind of recovery?
I asked myself "What was important?" What did I need to do? I also was grateful to the bank manager for supplying the word "character."
I sensed that there was a triangle of drama that I needed to nip in the bud like I have done in my current job. I decided that I needed to make myself indispensible. I decided that I needed to show character. I decided that I needed to press on in the pain.
I decided that this was possibly the best type of job interview where I had was going to show that I was one of the greatest employees they could promote. I also decided that this was a great test of whether or not the boss's boss was going to be someone I could work for. As quirky as those thoughts were, I made my my plans.
I decided that I needed to make every effort to show what character I had so that they were on my team the next time I applied for a promotion (should that opportunity present itself). The harder things of showing character meant making an apology. I needed to make an apology to my boss and my boss's boss for assuming that my application had gone through.
I decided that I have gained some trust or stature with the more difficult work team. They have seen me handle personal adversity with character.
Well, I did make the apologies. I made the pizza.
I did not get to serve the pizza given that there has been ice and snow in Louisville that shut down the city for the better part of the week. But since I made the apologies, I have ruminated less than I thought I would.
I also completed the draft of my journal article (where I cut 59 pages down to 36). I think that I used the adrenaline generated from the anger.
I have been jamming to angry or hard songs like Gotta Be Someboy by Nickelback and Paralyzer by Finger Eleven. My wife thinks that I am blowing out my one good ear. Maybe I am.
I think that I have been doing the best that I can do. It is all I can do in the moment.
The best that we can do is rarely ever perfect, but it is where character is shown when the pain is real. It is one thing to take solace in.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Victimhood aint going to cut it any more Rev Lowery
Warning: this is not politically correct today--and I am not apologizing.
I tried to take in today to get a sense of what Inauguration Day meant to me. There is no denying what today means in the history of our country. It is a milestone in many different ways. Yes, it should be quite significant in terms of an bi-racial/black American becoming the 44th president.
But the message I am getting today is the following : Victimhood and self-righteous attitudes seem to go hand in hand.
Note Rev. Lowery's benediction that closed with the following lines:
Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around ... when yellow will be mellow ... when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen.
Rev. Lowery, I have a couple of questions. First, are you talking about UPS? Did UPS pay you for making that statement? (Brown can do a lot for you, but they would rather run off with your package than stick around--they get paid for being on the go.) Third, what is right? What does justice and mercy mean in your prayer?
I believe that you are guilty of prayer weaseling. You did not get my agreement in this prayer--you preached to me instead of praying for the country. We called it prayer weaseling in seminary because one is using prayer for something other than the purposes of prayer.
The victim card
Furthermore, I thought that you were guilty of playing the victim card, even on this day. Your prayer sounded pretty self-righteous out of such victimhood.
I think the victim thing was behind the "It's a black thing you don't understand" of the 1990's. It was an attempt to be existential. Oh yeah, it was existential.
However, I saw a number of African Americans (who called me a Euro-American) beat the dead horse of "it's a black thing" into dog food. In Social Work School. I had a very narcissistic black professor who I swear was trying to make us feel guilty for all the Jim Crow laws that were passed way before we were born. We were supposed to feel guilty because we were white.
Luckily, I had another black professor who was obviously more grounded and open and did not seem to act like I was responsible for all the history of the United States. It helped me see the distinction.
Today, victimhood was easy. It was apparently easy for Rev. Lowery.
Those who claim victimhood
Claiming victimhood is easy for any group that wants to claim it is oppressed. Victimhood is easy for many gays I have known who touted that anything in disagreement with them is Homophobia (and I found it very very difficult to see where they were snubbed, discriminated against or abused). Religious Fundamentalists claim victimhood. Victimhood is easy for Hamas who continues to exploit and waste the lives of the poor of the Gaza Strip. Victimhood is easy for a number of narcissts and borderline personalities I have had to deal with. However, the victimhood gets pretty old--especially for me.
Victimhood breeds self-righteous anger. Self-righteous anger is only so good for so long. Self-righteous anger often seems to lie beside self-loathing.
In today's world you may be a victim. You may be a victim of the recession and cut-backs at your job. You may be a victim of back-stabbing. You may be a victim of abusive family members and neighbors. You may be a victim of rape or violent crime.
But there is a difference between being a victim and latching onto victimhood. Being a victim is what happens. Holding onto victimhood is a negative choice.
Victimhood=irresponsibility
People who practice victimhood give themselves permission be irresponsible long after the traumatic event has happened. It gets old after awhile, and the one practicing victimhood only becomes a victim of themselves.
Reasonable people with fair self-esteem exit stage right because the are burned out dealing with the stress of an angry person. They see the different and are not going to tolerate it any longer.
In this day and age, I call upon people to take responsibility for themselves. We steer our own ships on the course of life. You and I will get made fools of, and we will be victims at some time or another.
We make choices every day. Sure we do not all have the same choices, but you and I must play the cards we are dealt every day. That is life--it is not particularly fair, whether you are white, black, yellow, red, or brown.
Be responsible for yourself today.
I am more of a culturalist than a structuralist in terms of my view of poverty, and I think that everyone willing to take the risk in choosing something better, can get somewhere different. It is all up to each one of us as it is the one life we get (and no I do not believe in reincarnation). This means, if you lose a job, look for another one. If you have bill collectors calling you, talk to them and do your best to negotiate deferrment of payments.
We all must decide what is right and what is just--even if it does not jive what Rev. Lowery thinks. Victimhood just is not it.
I tried to take in today to get a sense of what Inauguration Day meant to me. There is no denying what today means in the history of our country. It is a milestone in many different ways. Yes, it should be quite significant in terms of an bi-racial/black American becoming the 44th president.
But the message I am getting today is the following : Victimhood and self-righteous attitudes seem to go hand in hand.
Note Rev. Lowery's benediction that closed with the following lines:
Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around ... when yellow will be mellow ... when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen.
Rev. Lowery, I have a couple of questions. First, are you talking about UPS? Did UPS pay you for making that statement? (Brown can do a lot for you, but they would rather run off with your package than stick around--they get paid for being on the go.) Third, what is right? What does justice and mercy mean in your prayer?
I believe that you are guilty of prayer weaseling. You did not get my agreement in this prayer--you preached to me instead of praying for the country. We called it prayer weaseling in seminary because one is using prayer for something other than the purposes of prayer.
The victim card
Furthermore, I thought that you were guilty of playing the victim card, even on this day. Your prayer sounded pretty self-righteous out of such victimhood.
I think the victim thing was behind the "It's a black thing you don't understand" of the 1990's. It was an attempt to be existential. Oh yeah, it was existential.
However, I saw a number of African Americans (who called me a Euro-American) beat the dead horse of "it's a black thing" into dog food. In Social Work School. I had a very narcissistic black professor who I swear was trying to make us feel guilty for all the Jim Crow laws that were passed way before we were born. We were supposed to feel guilty because we were white.
Luckily, I had another black professor who was obviously more grounded and open and did not seem to act like I was responsible for all the history of the United States. It helped me see the distinction.
Today, victimhood was easy. It was apparently easy for Rev. Lowery.
Those who claim victimhood
Claiming victimhood is easy for any group that wants to claim it is oppressed. Victimhood is easy for many gays I have known who touted that anything in disagreement with them is Homophobia (and I found it very very difficult to see where they were snubbed, discriminated against or abused). Religious Fundamentalists claim victimhood. Victimhood is easy for Hamas who continues to exploit and waste the lives of the poor of the Gaza Strip. Victimhood is easy for a number of narcissts and borderline personalities I have had to deal with. However, the victimhood gets pretty old--especially for me.
Victimhood breeds self-righteous anger. Self-righteous anger is only so good for so long. Self-righteous anger often seems to lie beside self-loathing.
In today's world you may be a victim. You may be a victim of the recession and cut-backs at your job. You may be a victim of back-stabbing. You may be a victim of abusive family members and neighbors. You may be a victim of rape or violent crime.
But there is a difference between being a victim and latching onto victimhood. Being a victim is what happens. Holding onto victimhood is a negative choice.
Victimhood=irresponsibility
People who practice victimhood give themselves permission be irresponsible long after the traumatic event has happened. It gets old after awhile, and the one practicing victimhood only becomes a victim of themselves.
Reasonable people with fair self-esteem exit stage right because the are burned out dealing with the stress of an angry person. They see the different and are not going to tolerate it any longer.
In this day and age, I call upon people to take responsibility for themselves. We steer our own ships on the course of life. You and I will get made fools of, and we will be victims at some time or another.
We make choices every day. Sure we do not all have the same choices, but you and I must play the cards we are dealt every day. That is life--it is not particularly fair, whether you are white, black, yellow, red, or brown.
Be responsible for yourself today.
I am more of a culturalist than a structuralist in terms of my view of poverty, and I think that everyone willing to take the risk in choosing something better, can get somewhere different. It is all up to each one of us as it is the one life we get (and no I do not believe in reincarnation). This means, if you lose a job, look for another one. If you have bill collectors calling you, talk to them and do your best to negotiate deferrment of payments.
We all must decide what is right and what is just--even if it does not jive what Rev. Lowery thinks. Victimhood just is not it.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Okay Joy Behar, now listen to some reality
There have been many things I could have written today. I thought about writing about how the economy has been said to have turned the corner. I could have written about the layoffs at work. I could write about the beer-flavored potato chips I have found intriguing tonight (for sale at ALDI).
I admit that I am writing with a harder attitude tonight. I am being critical of a public figure. I would be surprised if she reads this because I am sure this is not being picked up by Google.
But it is the eve of Barack Obama being ignaurated as the 44th president of the United States. Some of the idealistic black and white thinkers are expecting him to be the magical liberal who is really going to make changes.
I work during when The View is on but I get to see clips now and then. On this show, I see ignorant people talk about politics. They are far more personalities than they are intellectuals and it shows.
Joy Behar is someone that comes to mind the most. She comes across as the consumate ignorant, self-righteous liberal who talks in black and white terms in all the clips that I have seen. Bush was all bad. Obama is all good. According to my source, she wore her 01-20-2009 button today. Well Joy, you do not have my respect.
For the record, I respect educated liberals. My favorite was the late Patrick Moynihan, senator from New York. I also respected the late Paul Simon, distinguished senator of Illinois (whom I personally met in 1987). On TV, I like Allen Colmes, and I hope FOX puts him back on soon. Eleanor Clift also impressed me. Bob Bechtel also seems to impress me with his ability to give grounded analysis. But Joy is not one of them.
Also For the record, some Marxist analyses such as that by David Harvey and Christopher Pickvance makes sense to me. We can thank them for giving us Urban Political Economy and new objects for study and to give some critical thought about neoliberal economics.
But Joy, I say two words to you: disjointed incrementalism. It is the principle identified by Clarence Lindblom that says government moves slowly and in very messy directions. What this means in our current context is that President Obama is going to be obstructed by Congress--both the DEMOCRATS and the Republicans.
Did you get that Joy? There will be gridlock. We actually like it that way because we as Americans do not like change--contrary to Obama's election campaign slogan. It got the vote of all the overly-idealistic people. The majority of on-fire liberals have no concept of this.
Obama is not going to get all his plans accomplished. He will get very, very few things done. Surveys will show in a few years that the American public will be dissatisfied with him.
Yeah, he will pick a few pieces of low-hanging fruit by executive order, but he will not resolve the Middle-East wars. One of the greatest secrets, Joy, is that both Democrats and Republicans were in favor of us going over there, and many Democrat Representatives to the US House are going to keep their options open for spin purposes in the 2010 elections. They will keep voting for us to be over there to be the iron hand.
Now, if you are reading this, and you are not Joy Behar, I think that the first step in reducing your sense of disappointment about the upcoming months and years of more of the same Washington gridlock, is to accept disjointed incrementalism. Do not expect miracles out of Washington, D.C.
The only way we will get any dramatic change is if there is another national crisis like 09-11-01. The only way we will get nationalized medicine is if there is a national crisis in healthcare. Otherwise, it will be business as usual because to many people have their hands in the pot and have too much money at stake.
Last time I checked, this was America. Yes, you have a choice. You have a choice to think for yourself, even in this time of crisis. Getting some understanding on how government works makes for improved coping in times like these.
I admit that I am writing with a harder attitude tonight. I am being critical of a public figure. I would be surprised if she reads this because I am sure this is not being picked up by Google.
But it is the eve of Barack Obama being ignaurated as the 44th president of the United States. Some of the idealistic black and white thinkers are expecting him to be the magical liberal who is really going to make changes.
I work during when The View is on but I get to see clips now and then. On this show, I see ignorant people talk about politics. They are far more personalities than they are intellectuals and it shows.
Joy Behar is someone that comes to mind the most. She comes across as the consumate ignorant, self-righteous liberal who talks in black and white terms in all the clips that I have seen. Bush was all bad. Obama is all good. According to my source, she wore her 01-20-2009 button today. Well Joy, you do not have my respect.
For the record, I respect educated liberals. My favorite was the late Patrick Moynihan, senator from New York. I also respected the late Paul Simon, distinguished senator of Illinois (whom I personally met in 1987). On TV, I like Allen Colmes, and I hope FOX puts him back on soon. Eleanor Clift also impressed me. Bob Bechtel also seems to impress me with his ability to give grounded analysis. But Joy is not one of them.
Also For the record, some Marxist analyses such as that by David Harvey and Christopher Pickvance makes sense to me. We can thank them for giving us Urban Political Economy and new objects for study and to give some critical thought about neoliberal economics.
But Joy, I say two words to you: disjointed incrementalism. It is the principle identified by Clarence Lindblom that says government moves slowly and in very messy directions. What this means in our current context is that President Obama is going to be obstructed by Congress--both the DEMOCRATS and the Republicans.
Did you get that Joy? There will be gridlock. We actually like it that way because we as Americans do not like change--contrary to Obama's election campaign slogan. It got the vote of all the overly-idealistic people. The majority of on-fire liberals have no concept of this.
Obama is not going to get all his plans accomplished. He will get very, very few things done. Surveys will show in a few years that the American public will be dissatisfied with him.
Yeah, he will pick a few pieces of low-hanging fruit by executive order, but he will not resolve the Middle-East wars. One of the greatest secrets, Joy, is that both Democrats and Republicans were in favor of us going over there, and many Democrat Representatives to the US House are going to keep their options open for spin purposes in the 2010 elections. They will keep voting for us to be over there to be the iron hand.
Now, if you are reading this, and you are not Joy Behar, I think that the first step in reducing your sense of disappointment about the upcoming months and years of more of the same Washington gridlock, is to accept disjointed incrementalism. Do not expect miracles out of Washington, D.C.
The only way we will get any dramatic change is if there is another national crisis like 09-11-01. The only way we will get nationalized medicine is if there is a national crisis in healthcare. Otherwise, it will be business as usual because to many people have their hands in the pot and have too much money at stake.
Last time I checked, this was America. Yes, you have a choice. You have a choice to think for yourself, even in this time of crisis. Getting some understanding on how government works makes for improved coping in times like these.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Pressing on with 2009. This too shall pass
I have been pressing on with the new year. The first full work week of 2009 has come and gone.
Frankly, it is not much different for me. The same cast of characters I have had to deal with have been their dysfunctional selves.
I think that the unemployment rate of 7.2 percent and the announcement from Obama on Thursday that things are going to be bad for sometime has made some people just want to pull the covers over their heads. But Obama's announcement was smart--it is a subtle form of CYA as many expect him to be the savior--which he is not.
However, the media-magnification informational intensification effect truly is strong right now. There is an atmosphere of doom and gloom right now. For people who are looking at the big picture of the future, the future may look like one big black wall that everyone is going to run into and splatter and die.
In trying to think critically for myself right now, I find myself asking several questions. What really matters right now? What is the reality? What is the best thing to be doing right now? How much should I really be worrying?
What really matters right now?
I have decided that what really matters right now is that I take care of life on a daily basis. Life has its requirements from day to day. You can look too much at the overall and screw up the easy, little, but necessary things that require your attention.
I also think that in the times of recession, the intangibles of life come to the forefront. Character is what is there when the money is not. Character is more than integrity . . . it is the fortitude to do what needs to be done. Many ordinary, shy and timid people show character--it is just plain boring and will never make for a good movie or TV show.
What is the reality?
What the reality is . . . is what your eyes and ears tell you. You have a brain to sift it for you. My reality is that I and my family have what we need. Yes, life is not perfect, and there are some chinks in the armor, but the good news is that we are not in a hot, all out war.
What is the best thing to be doing right now?
I think that the best thing to be doing now is living your life. Make your list of priorities. Work on what you can work on. If you are out of work, look for a job. If you are feeling down about yourself, do something to improve your mind, body and spirit by getting an educational book for video at the library and turn off the TV news after 30 minutes. (I suggest learning statistics or something like accounting or the Linux system.)
I also think that it is important to sift your social circle. People who want to talk about the economy all the time are people who are obsessing. They are stuck in their fears. I have a few of them and I cannot change them--I can only walk away or put in my ear plugs.
How much should I be worrying?
I do believe that worry is a surprisingly normal human habit. So many thought patterns become worry. We truly feel vulnerable in so many ways. When we start to think about our vulnerabilities, we then go to those events or situations where our vulnerabilities will get us hurt. We realize our insecurities and then we start to worry.
We need to worry as little as possible. I know that doesn't do much for you, but I have yet to meet someone who got rich from worrying. I have yet to meet anyone who really benefitted from worrying.
This too shall pass!
Life is very much not what we as a nation want right now. We want an economy that is kicking butt and where people are spending away and are happy. (I sadly believe that we as a nation will never be happy--it is our right to be unhappy and we seem to take full advantage of it. It is what we do instead of pursuing happiness.) However, I offer the message of hope that this too shall pass.
As I have said in this blog before, the recession of 1991-1992 passed. I felt like I was in a desert. I made it through one day at a time and it ended.
There are 355 days of them left in 2009 and we will not live all of them at one time. We will live each of them one day at a time. January 1, 2010 will come.
Until then, there will be some difficult days and there will be some good days. Life is not that hard one day at a time. Each one shall pass.
Frankly, it is not much different for me. The same cast of characters I have had to deal with have been their dysfunctional selves.
I think that the unemployment rate of 7.2 percent and the announcement from Obama on Thursday that things are going to be bad for sometime has made some people just want to pull the covers over their heads. But Obama's announcement was smart--it is a subtle form of CYA as many expect him to be the savior--which he is not.
However, the media-magnification informational intensification effect truly is strong right now. There is an atmosphere of doom and gloom right now. For people who are looking at the big picture of the future, the future may look like one big black wall that everyone is going to run into and splatter and die.
In trying to think critically for myself right now, I find myself asking several questions. What really matters right now? What is the reality? What is the best thing to be doing right now? How much should I really be worrying?
What really matters right now?
I have decided that what really matters right now is that I take care of life on a daily basis. Life has its requirements from day to day. You can look too much at the overall and screw up the easy, little, but necessary things that require your attention.
I also think that in the times of recession, the intangibles of life come to the forefront. Character is what is there when the money is not. Character is more than integrity . . . it is the fortitude to do what needs to be done. Many ordinary, shy and timid people show character--it is just plain boring and will never make for a good movie or TV show.
What is the reality?
What the reality is . . . is what your eyes and ears tell you. You have a brain to sift it for you. My reality is that I and my family have what we need. Yes, life is not perfect, and there are some chinks in the armor, but the good news is that we are not in a hot, all out war.
What is the best thing to be doing right now?
I think that the best thing to be doing now is living your life. Make your list of priorities. Work on what you can work on. If you are out of work, look for a job. If you are feeling down about yourself, do something to improve your mind, body and spirit by getting an educational book for video at the library and turn off the TV news after 30 minutes. (I suggest learning statistics or something like accounting or the Linux system.)
I also think that it is important to sift your social circle. People who want to talk about the economy all the time are people who are obsessing. They are stuck in their fears. I have a few of them and I cannot change them--I can only walk away or put in my ear plugs.
How much should I be worrying?
I do believe that worry is a surprisingly normal human habit. So many thought patterns become worry. We truly feel vulnerable in so many ways. When we start to think about our vulnerabilities, we then go to those events or situations where our vulnerabilities will get us hurt. We realize our insecurities and then we start to worry.
We need to worry as little as possible. I know that doesn't do much for you, but I have yet to meet someone who got rich from worrying. I have yet to meet anyone who really benefitted from worrying.
This too shall pass!
Life is very much not what we as a nation want right now. We want an economy that is kicking butt and where people are spending away and are happy. (I sadly believe that we as a nation will never be happy--it is our right to be unhappy and we seem to take full advantage of it. It is what we do instead of pursuing happiness.) However, I offer the message of hope that this too shall pass.
As I have said in this blog before, the recession of 1991-1992 passed. I felt like I was in a desert. I made it through one day at a time and it ended.
There are 355 days of them left in 2009 and we will not live all of them at one time. We will live each of them one day at a time. January 1, 2010 will come.
Until then, there will be some difficult days and there will be some good days. Life is not that hard one day at a time. Each one shall pass.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year: Goals and Not Resolutions
January 1, 2009.
This is about the tenth time I have rewritten this lead. There are so many things I could start off with, but given the mission of this blog being coping, I will strive to stay focused.
It is a new year and a new milestone. Where am I aiming? What do I want to accomplish in the next 12 months? I have learned that if I want something, I must focus.
Focus indeed. I have learned something different about focus this week. I did a mens group where there were a number of men who had been hurt very badly in their past. They had trauma from childhood and younger adulthood (some pretty bad @*#& I cannot mention here). Two in particular indicated that they were often distracted by their flashbacks and lose focus on life in general. They would get irritable and upset quite often, and of course they wound up in the psychiatric hospital.
I think that the Christmas season is that time where people get so distracted by their pain and suffering that they cannot see anything else or think about anything else. I can relate.
December 31 comes somewhat as a day of mercy that the holiday is almost over and that we can get back to the regular suffering and not the extra-crispy suffering. For some, January 1 is a regular time for people like myself to think about the new year.
Of course with this January 1 there is still the recession talk. However, the recession news is being over-shadowed by the latest incursion by Israel in the Gaza strip; one piece of bad news being pushed away by worse piece of news.
As I have mentioned elsewhere, I can focus on the bad news, or I can put my mind somewhere more productive. As I mentioned up above, I am asking some questions of focus.
I am working with a legal pad right now. I am making myself a list with different categories of accomplishments: Academic, Home Improvement, Professional, Personal Improvement, Financial, Recreational. I plan to limit myself to 30 items on the list--too many items makes for feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.
I have decided that I do not like resolutions. Resolutions are too general and easily forgotten. Resolutions are also something negative in nature.
How do you decide what goals you want to work on?
It is my opinion that we decide our goals by looking at where we are dissatisfied in our lives. Goals should resolve our needs and dissatisfactions when they are accomplished. The accomplishment of a goal should bring us pleasure in the form of satisfaction.
Goals (if they are good ones) are measureable, concrete, specific, and achievable (and may I add legal and moral). Goals tend to be positive in nature.
Goals also are both long term and short-term. Long term goals are going to take some time--like redoing the floor in my garage. Short-term goals are tasks that can be done in a short period of time like rewriting my will, or reading Oliver Twist.
Even if the economy stays sour and I am still a social worker on the line at the end of 2009, I plan to have completed a number of goals on the list in the next 12 months that I can feel good about. I plan to create some feelings of satisfaction but more so feelings of accomplishment and contentment.
Satisfaction versus contentment
Satisfaction is probably what many of us are wanting in this day of discontent. Satisfaction is what we all want as human beings--it is a place where all our needs and wants are taken care of.
However, I think of what we are best to go for in this day of recession is contentment. Contentment is more accepting that our needs are met and that is okay. It is not terrible that we do not have everything we want as what we want changes from time to time.
We are powerless to get everything that we want when we want it. Even the richest men and women in the world cannot get everything they want when they want it.
Thoughts on making goals meaningful and getting them completed.
I am going to write the list down and then I am going upstairs and printing out several copies. I plan to put the copies in several places where only I can see them.
This year I am going to plan a schedule for different tasks. I am going to dedicate different days of the week to different types of goals. I think that will make life a little more interesting if not less boring. It will structure my time and leave less time for worrying and fretting.
The point of it all
In the end we can sit around and watch the news and fret about what is happening or what could happen. Making the list of goals for the new year can help focus on what you can do versus what you cannot do. Focusing on the possible things and the controllable things makes for a more stable and less anxious person.
This is about the tenth time I have rewritten this lead. There are so many things I could start off with, but given the mission of this blog being coping, I will strive to stay focused.
It is a new year and a new milestone. Where am I aiming? What do I want to accomplish in the next 12 months? I have learned that if I want something, I must focus.
Focus indeed. I have learned something different about focus this week. I did a mens group where there were a number of men who had been hurt very badly in their past. They had trauma from childhood and younger adulthood (some pretty bad @*#& I cannot mention here). Two in particular indicated that they were often distracted by their flashbacks and lose focus on life in general. They would get irritable and upset quite often, and of course they wound up in the psychiatric hospital.
I think that the Christmas season is that time where people get so distracted by their pain and suffering that they cannot see anything else or think about anything else. I can relate.
December 31 comes somewhat as a day of mercy that the holiday is almost over and that we can get back to the regular suffering and not the extra-crispy suffering. For some, January 1 is a regular time for people like myself to think about the new year.
Of course with this January 1 there is still the recession talk. However, the recession news is being over-shadowed by the latest incursion by Israel in the Gaza strip; one piece of bad news being pushed away by worse piece of news.
As I have mentioned elsewhere, I can focus on the bad news, or I can put my mind somewhere more productive. As I mentioned up above, I am asking some questions of focus.
I am working with a legal pad right now. I am making myself a list with different categories of accomplishments: Academic, Home Improvement, Professional, Personal Improvement, Financial, Recreational. I plan to limit myself to 30 items on the list--too many items makes for feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.
I have decided that I do not like resolutions. Resolutions are too general and easily forgotten. Resolutions are also something negative in nature.
How do you decide what goals you want to work on?
It is my opinion that we decide our goals by looking at where we are dissatisfied in our lives. Goals should resolve our needs and dissatisfactions when they are accomplished. The accomplishment of a goal should bring us pleasure in the form of satisfaction.
Goals (if they are good ones) are measureable, concrete, specific, and achievable (and may I add legal and moral). Goals tend to be positive in nature.
Goals also are both long term and short-term. Long term goals are going to take some time--like redoing the floor in my garage. Short-term goals are tasks that can be done in a short period of time like rewriting my will, or reading Oliver Twist.
Even if the economy stays sour and I am still a social worker on the line at the end of 2009, I plan to have completed a number of goals on the list in the next 12 months that I can feel good about. I plan to create some feelings of satisfaction but more so feelings of accomplishment and contentment.
Satisfaction versus contentment
Satisfaction is probably what many of us are wanting in this day of discontent. Satisfaction is what we all want as human beings--it is a place where all our needs and wants are taken care of.
However, I think of what we are best to go for in this day of recession is contentment. Contentment is more accepting that our needs are met and that is okay. It is not terrible that we do not have everything we want as what we want changes from time to time.
We are powerless to get everything that we want when we want it. Even the richest men and women in the world cannot get everything they want when they want it.
Thoughts on making goals meaningful and getting them completed.
I am going to write the list down and then I am going upstairs and printing out several copies. I plan to put the copies in several places where only I can see them.
This year I am going to plan a schedule for different tasks. I am going to dedicate different days of the week to different types of goals. I think that will make life a little more interesting if not less boring. It will structure my time and leave less time for worrying and fretting.
The point of it all
In the end we can sit around and watch the news and fret about what is happening or what could happen. Making the list of goals for the new year can help focus on what you can do versus what you cannot do. Focusing on the possible things and the controllable things makes for a more stable and less anxious person.
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