A melancholy mid-summer

When the times are hard, it is hard to enjoy the summer. I had looked forward to the summer where I could wear shorts when I am not at work or church and I could go without socks. Yeah, I can do those things, but I am not enjoying this summer. In thinking through it I have discovered how my perspective can get out of whack.
I felt a profound sense of melancholy as I was walking through a Target store yesterday with my son. The patio furniture section was practically cleared out with only one or two pieces on clearance. It was now full of 'back-to-school' merchandise (school supplies). The store also had school uniforms in several places. To me that was right up there with the Christmas merchandise being put out the third week of October before Halloween even happens.
As we were going through the store, My son and I were also talking about the plans I have had. We were going to go fishing. We were going to go camping. We still have not gone to Disneyworld as we have been talking about for years.
I thought that my life is wasting away. I need to get off my butt and get somewhere. We need to do something to live life.
I thought then that I have been just like my mother. I have been spending all my energy at work with nothing for me and the family on the weekends. I have spent my weekends recovering.
I asked myself: what have I been doing all this time? Why was I not where I wanted to be?
It took me until I was driving out of the parking lot to remember that my wife had been in the hospital and was still recovering from brain surgery. I then remembered that I have had to hold things together at home. I then remembered that I have spent the last seven years getting a Ph.D.
Yeah, I realized that I need to get somewhere during the evenings to figure out how to set up the fishing lines, but overall, sometimes you can get too stuck in the now and forget the rest of the story. We start to think "I always . . . or I never . . ." but it is not the real story. Many of us can forget everything that has happened. We as human beings can forget our humanity and that we can only take so much . . . we are not perfect.
I am about to figure how much I can take of my in-laws now who just walked through the door.