Working to Maintain Peace Inside and Out

The past three weeks have had their moments. The challenge is to sum up the lessons and the the points of light.

As we progress into 2009, things are looking worse economically. Yet, it does seem that there are flecks of good things.

Here in Louisville, the unemployment rate has reached 9.4 percent. I do not see that as a mystery when much of the manufacturing is automotive based. If Ford is not selling trucks, they do not need the supplies from the local suppliers and so on and more people get laid off.

The chilling externality effect

I have decided that with the continued downturn in the economy, there is a continued negative emotional (not economic) externality, especially in Louisville. In Economics, an externality is a secondary effect or benefit that others feel on account of an action or person.

At my organization this effect is an chilling effect. I think that this is exemplified through my CEO's boss, and then my CEO's in turn passing on a blog from a hospital CEO in Boston about cutbacks.

It is best that I do not tell you what the e-mail said, but it was from another blog here on "Blogger."

The CEO in turn passed it on to the vice presidents and directors, and my director passed it on to us. I determined that other social workers in the hospital did not get it. My supervisor said that she got clearance to pass it on to us from her boss, the micro-managing assistant vice president.

I did a bit of a survey among my subordinates. The message they seemed to get was "Don't whine, it could be worse."

What has it really meant?

Right now I think the aftermath of that distasteful distribution of the blog entry is that I have paranoid people above me and below me.

I have considered my boss and her boss to be paranoid. After all, they are borderline personalities. They do not have the interior structure to stay calm in times of stress. They are paranoid about abandonment issues. It has seemed to show more so lately in my boss again.

My boss especially seemed to be having a mood swing in the past week anyway since she has Bipolar Disorder. The chilling effect seems to be playing especially on her. Those with Bipolar Disorder run the risk of being extra sensitive to stress.

My subordinates in one department have become extra paranoid after the blog distribution. They have been trying to pump me for information. I had to set some limits with them. I then decided to throw a small "YIPPEE SKIPPY IT'S SPRING" celebration where I am going to bake some chocolate pies.

Part #2: dealing with the micro-managing vice president and the bad news about my daughter.

On another front in terms of maintaining peace, I have found myself dealing with my own personal challenges. On Monday of this past week, my wife was told by school officials that my daughter has Asperger's Syndrome.

Asperger's is a form of Autism. It has several different forms. My daughter has a fairly mild case of it given that she is in touch with reality most of the time, but that she has certain quirks and perception issues. She also has some immaturity.

Mind you, I still have my irritation at the assistant vice-president for the abuse that was supposed to be a job interview. I have been avoidant of her. The problem was that I could not avoid her on Tuesday morning as we were both going down the stairs at the same time. We both said good morning to each other and then she asked me how I was doing? I said "eh."

She then asked "Angry?"

I waited to the bottom of the stairway and then said in almost a whisper, "I was told yesterday that my daughter has Asperger's."

I heard her gulp and then she said "I'm sorry."

The reality is that I was indeed angry with her, but that one could not have played better in emotional warfare with a borderline in power. I basically "zinged" her with a one-up, that was blessedly true in this case.

Otherwise, I have decided that I have got to give the anger up towards the assistant vice president. That is my power. It will not be easy to forgive her. I have been abused by people like her in the past, and I have sworn I will not get walked on again by her type.

As a medium stance I will try to have self-pity on her at this time. I think that she will burn out soon in her job since she does not have the emotional intelligence to be in that job.

It helps that her office has been moved off my hallway. I will not see her as much.

Not seeing her as much is good since I have decided with my wife not to look for another job until we have completed my daughter's assessment and consultation processes. My daughter is going to be assessed by some specialists at a center ran by the University of Louisville Medical School.

I have my challenges to stay in the clear and maintain my employment until it is truly time to move on. I have decided that my most concrete work goals will be to work for excellence in my job and smile more at work.

Points of Light

Not all is that bad these days. A friend of mine that I had mentioned in an earlier entry, who had quit his job under fire in a southern state has landed another job on the East Coast. I am very happy for him. Good things do happen.

Tying things together

Okay, tying everything together is going to be tough, but I think I can say something that makes more sense than a bad Southern Baptist Sunday School curriculum book.

Yes, the days and times are numbing. We do not know always what to think for feel given that so much comes at us.

In this tough day and time, peace inside and out is possible. We have an effect on others around us. We can work for positive events and experiences in our workplaces. We can work for positive experiences in our lives. I am making some personal goals, and I am going to focus on what matters.

Furthermore, not all is that bad. It is not all disaster. Some is actually pleasant at times--my friend getting a new job, and the fact that the daffodils are blooming and the Bradford Pears are budding.

What matters to you? Take an inventory of what matters to you. It is as simple as making a list. None of us can address everything on the list, but we can address some of it.

When we are addressing what matters to us, we feel a sense of peace inside and we are not dependent on what is outside of us.

Yep, It's Job Lock, but I SHOULD Be Happy I Have a JOB

The past two weeks have been painful yet interesting. I have been the victim of emotional abuse and micro-management.

The assistant vice president that I have alluded to with the loud high heels has showed some true colors. I want out and I am not happy. It is job lock now but I should be happy that I at least still have a job in this time.

The Story.

There was another promotion available. I applied for it. I got a 12 minute interview with the now permanent assistant vice president. She played mind games.

She told me that if I was ever going to advance in management I was going to have to do something about my communication style. It was the words I used, the way I talked and the facial expressions.

She told me that the only way I was going to be able to make the changes was to get a mentor to watch and point out the problem. She said that this position was going to be in the schools promoting this program.

I tried to sell myself anyway about my style and my strengths. We did not go anywhere to my experience. It was not about my demonstration of management ability over the two work teams.

I just said, "Basically, if I understand what you are saying, you are not going to advance me in the process for this position." I then asked, "If my boss's position came open, would I be a candidate for that job."

The assistant vice president said, "You'll have to ask J---." I left.


I went back to my office and calmly told the narcissist that works under me that I wanted him to know that I was told I was not going to be considered for the job. He showed some empathy (false as he is a narcissist). I (probably too much) told him that I was told it was because of my communication style. He immediately decided to apply for the job.

I decided to write an e-mail to her about two hours thanking her for the interview and asking her for resources to address the concern.

She wrote back that night as her e-mail was time stamped at 9:30.

I would suggest that you reach out to other mentors to get their feedback and see what ideas you may have from there. Thanks,

Then she wrote again on Monday--a second response to the same e-mail.

That would really be a personal decision. I know that when I have been coached about things that I heard I could, and then I wanted, to increase my self awareness about, I have done some work in therapy, as well as worked ongoing with mentors who I felt like were safe and honest for me.

Hell-ohhhhhhh? You already responded. How dumb are you? What are you really hiding?


She did give the narcissist an 90 minute interview. He came back saying it was a waste of time. I had thought that he actually stood a good chance. He wrote an e-mail two days later saying that she called late at night and said "No Thanks."

I heard from someone else in that department with the opening that assistant vice president had already offered the job to a social worker in that department. The source (likely dependable) said that the assistant vice president had also talked money with the anointed. The particular anointed person only has had her clinical license three (3) months and communicates like a closed book.

I weighed whether or not to call the corporate complaint line about the ethics problem evident here. I cooled my jets enough to see that I did not have confirmation or any hard piece of evidence. If someone else came forward--particularly the anointed and bragged about it, I would definitely call the corporate compliance line.

My organization has a explicitly spelled out policy for how positions are to be filled. The assistant vice president essentially has executed two masquerades. She has put and is putting people who will not think but will do exactly what she says to do. They are what I would estimate to be not as smart as her. She is being a micro-manager.

Cult Leaders are Micro-Managers

Micro-managers are cult leaders such as Jim Jones was over the People's Temple and as the Reverend Moon is considered to be over the Unification Church. They are about mind control.
If your boss is a micro-manager, you are made to feel dumb. You are not trusted. They sit on your work.

If your micro-managing boss were a dictator of a country, you would likely be executed after a few years because they trust no one. It is all about them.

Insight from Previous Experience

Micro-managers are actually scared, immature people. They do not act like adults. They are not leaders of people. They usually have high turnover underneath them.

In a number of work situations in Social Work and Mental Health, I have experienced micro-management. The most notable of the micro-managers was at a mental health agency in eastern North Carolina. The Program Director had to know everything and sign off on everything. She would just spit out case material about the patients acting like she knew everything.

When you talked to her, she was anxious and fearful and extremely self-deprecating. Talking to her was like talking to a little girl. (Something like the current assistant VP).
I concluded that if I could get up into management, I would foster a better work environment. I was convinced that I could do better and that is why I went for my doctorate.

In fact I do do better. My subordinates are adults, and I treat them as such. They know what they are doing, and I let them do their jobs. I trust my people and my people trust me.



Furthermore, given the assistant VP's "concern" about my communication, is a red flag if not a red herring. If my communication were a problem, it would have showed up in all the Studer Group "rounding" they do at the hospital. All my subordinates would be complaining about it.

They haven't and it has not shown up in my job reviews in a number of years. Also, patients have not complained about my communication style. It was an excuse the assistant vice-president cooked up.

Furthermore, even if I went and found mentors, the assistant vice-president has established her as the existential judge of my communication style. Her criteria and her opinion are subjective--like all micro-managers. She would likely find something else.

The Current State of Affairs

The assistant vice president has now acted withdrawn and scared. Of course, I think that I am assuming what her thoughts are, and I am interpreting her behavior at therisk of being wrong.

I think that she is being assuming and reactive, but then so do a number of my colleagues. I think that she is projected much of her fear upon me, but then again, I am assuming what she is thinking, which no one can know unless she admits it. Micro-managers do not admit much of anything.


The Problem with Insight

Insight is knowledge that one uses to make decisions and cope. I think that I have insight into the situation--that is why I blog this stuff.

One of the things I have to admit is that insight only goes so far in making you feel better. I still have to live with the dynamic of the scared child that is the assistant vice president.

She is still in power and she walks by my department door in her loud heels. I have actually liked that she has been withdrawn, but it is a very unhealthy dynamic.

It is the oppressive dynamic present when there is a borderline personality is in control and I still have to experience it.

She is the one in power and she is going to have say something first. That is not going to happen given her demonstrated immaturity.

Job Lock

I am now motivated to get out of this place. I am confident that the assistant vice president is reinforcing her own fear. I see myself going nowhere else at this organization. If I could leave today, I would. I do not deserve the abuse. This is now about me.

However, there are no job openings except in Washington DC, where my wife said that she would not go. While I am working on her, I am in "job lock" and I should just be happy I have a job in the first place. "Job lock" was a buzz word of the late 1990's. It basically means that someone is hating their job, being abused in their job, in a lousy working environment or cannot move any further, but they need the money and benefits. That is my story right now.

However, I know some people who do not have jobs right now who probably would accept my situation right now for a paycheck, but then they do not have the necessary education and training.

There are employers that are exploiting their people right now in the name of the economy. It seems to be like the sweat shops of the late1800's and early 1900's where immigrant laborers were exploited by exploitative industrialists. Some things are cyclical--when the economy gets better, these exploitive employers will have high turnoverbecause people can leave.

What am I Doing Right Now?

There are several things I am doing to cope with the situation. None of them are perfect in taking away the pain, but they help.

I am doing the best that I can right now. It is not easy, but I am consoling myself with that idea.

I am reading some books on communication that are telling me to do basically what I am doing now. I am not finding any mentors nor do I have any mentors in mind.

I have got my wife looking for jobs online. She may yet be open to Washington DC.

I am praying hard and thinking about the Bible verses of God's assuances. God is bigger than the situation and the economy.

I am trying to keep my mouth shut at work. I read some of the Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz which gives some rather "New Age" but good advice. I like the part about doing your best all the time.

I am trying to work on all my projects at home and focus my energy. I am blogging stuff like this to vent.

I figure that many others are in the same situation as me. I would love to have comments back on this. Let's complain and comiserate together. We will get through this time. It hurts now, but we will be okay.