Yep, It's Job Lock, but I SHOULD Be Happy I Have a JOB

The past two weeks have been painful yet interesting. I have been the victim of emotional abuse and micro-management.

The assistant vice president that I have alluded to with the loud high heels has showed some true colors. I want out and I am not happy. It is job lock now but I should be happy that I at least still have a job in this time.

The Story.

There was another promotion available. I applied for it. I got a 12 minute interview with the now permanent assistant vice president. She played mind games.

She told me that if I was ever going to advance in management I was going to have to do something about my communication style. It was the words I used, the way I talked and the facial expressions.

She told me that the only way I was going to be able to make the changes was to get a mentor to watch and point out the problem. She said that this position was going to be in the schools promoting this program.

I tried to sell myself anyway about my style and my strengths. We did not go anywhere to my experience. It was not about my demonstration of management ability over the two work teams.

I just said, "Basically, if I understand what you are saying, you are not going to advance me in the process for this position." I then asked, "If my boss's position came open, would I be a candidate for that job."

The assistant vice president said, "You'll have to ask J---." I left.


I went back to my office and calmly told the narcissist that works under me that I wanted him to know that I was told I was not going to be considered for the job. He showed some empathy (false as he is a narcissist). I (probably too much) told him that I was told it was because of my communication style. He immediately decided to apply for the job.

I decided to write an e-mail to her about two hours thanking her for the interview and asking her for resources to address the concern.

She wrote back that night as her e-mail was time stamped at 9:30.

I would suggest that you reach out to other mentors to get their feedback and see what ideas you may have from there. Thanks,

Then she wrote again on Monday--a second response to the same e-mail.

That would really be a personal decision. I know that when I have been coached about things that I heard I could, and then I wanted, to increase my self awareness about, I have done some work in therapy, as well as worked ongoing with mentors who I felt like were safe and honest for me.

Hell-ohhhhhhh? You already responded. How dumb are you? What are you really hiding?


She did give the narcissist an 90 minute interview. He came back saying it was a waste of time. I had thought that he actually stood a good chance. He wrote an e-mail two days later saying that she called late at night and said "No Thanks."

I heard from someone else in that department with the opening that assistant vice president had already offered the job to a social worker in that department. The source (likely dependable) said that the assistant vice president had also talked money with the anointed. The particular anointed person only has had her clinical license three (3) months and communicates like a closed book.

I weighed whether or not to call the corporate complaint line about the ethics problem evident here. I cooled my jets enough to see that I did not have confirmation or any hard piece of evidence. If someone else came forward--particularly the anointed and bragged about it, I would definitely call the corporate compliance line.

My organization has a explicitly spelled out policy for how positions are to be filled. The assistant vice president essentially has executed two masquerades. She has put and is putting people who will not think but will do exactly what she says to do. They are what I would estimate to be not as smart as her. She is being a micro-manager.

Cult Leaders are Micro-Managers

Micro-managers are cult leaders such as Jim Jones was over the People's Temple and as the Reverend Moon is considered to be over the Unification Church. They are about mind control.
If your boss is a micro-manager, you are made to feel dumb. You are not trusted. They sit on your work.

If your micro-managing boss were a dictator of a country, you would likely be executed after a few years because they trust no one. It is all about them.

Insight from Previous Experience

Micro-managers are actually scared, immature people. They do not act like adults. They are not leaders of people. They usually have high turnover underneath them.

In a number of work situations in Social Work and Mental Health, I have experienced micro-management. The most notable of the micro-managers was at a mental health agency in eastern North Carolina. The Program Director had to know everything and sign off on everything. She would just spit out case material about the patients acting like she knew everything.

When you talked to her, she was anxious and fearful and extremely self-deprecating. Talking to her was like talking to a little girl. (Something like the current assistant VP).
I concluded that if I could get up into management, I would foster a better work environment. I was convinced that I could do better and that is why I went for my doctorate.

In fact I do do better. My subordinates are adults, and I treat them as such. They know what they are doing, and I let them do their jobs. I trust my people and my people trust me.



Furthermore, given the assistant VP's "concern" about my communication, is a red flag if not a red herring. If my communication were a problem, it would have showed up in all the Studer Group "rounding" they do at the hospital. All my subordinates would be complaining about it.

They haven't and it has not shown up in my job reviews in a number of years. Also, patients have not complained about my communication style. It was an excuse the assistant vice-president cooked up.

Furthermore, even if I went and found mentors, the assistant vice-president has established her as the existential judge of my communication style. Her criteria and her opinion are subjective--like all micro-managers. She would likely find something else.

The Current State of Affairs

The assistant vice president has now acted withdrawn and scared. Of course, I think that I am assuming what her thoughts are, and I am interpreting her behavior at therisk of being wrong.

I think that she is being assuming and reactive, but then so do a number of my colleagues. I think that she is projected much of her fear upon me, but then again, I am assuming what she is thinking, which no one can know unless she admits it. Micro-managers do not admit much of anything.


The Problem with Insight

Insight is knowledge that one uses to make decisions and cope. I think that I have insight into the situation--that is why I blog this stuff.

One of the things I have to admit is that insight only goes so far in making you feel better. I still have to live with the dynamic of the scared child that is the assistant vice president.

She is still in power and she walks by my department door in her loud heels. I have actually liked that she has been withdrawn, but it is a very unhealthy dynamic.

It is the oppressive dynamic present when there is a borderline personality is in control and I still have to experience it.

She is the one in power and she is going to have say something first. That is not going to happen given her demonstrated immaturity.

Job Lock

I am now motivated to get out of this place. I am confident that the assistant vice president is reinforcing her own fear. I see myself going nowhere else at this organization. If I could leave today, I would. I do not deserve the abuse. This is now about me.

However, there are no job openings except in Washington DC, where my wife said that she would not go. While I am working on her, I am in "job lock" and I should just be happy I have a job in the first place. "Job lock" was a buzz word of the late 1990's. It basically means that someone is hating their job, being abused in their job, in a lousy working environment or cannot move any further, but they need the money and benefits. That is my story right now.

However, I know some people who do not have jobs right now who probably would accept my situation right now for a paycheck, but then they do not have the necessary education and training.

There are employers that are exploiting their people right now in the name of the economy. It seems to be like the sweat shops of the late1800's and early 1900's where immigrant laborers were exploited by exploitative industrialists. Some things are cyclical--when the economy gets better, these exploitive employers will have high turnoverbecause people can leave.

What am I Doing Right Now?

There are several things I am doing to cope with the situation. None of them are perfect in taking away the pain, but they help.

I am doing the best that I can right now. It is not easy, but I am consoling myself with that idea.

I am reading some books on communication that are telling me to do basically what I am doing now. I am not finding any mentors nor do I have any mentors in mind.

I have got my wife looking for jobs online. She may yet be open to Washington DC.

I am praying hard and thinking about the Bible verses of God's assuances. God is bigger than the situation and the economy.

I am trying to keep my mouth shut at work. I read some of the Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz which gives some rather "New Age" but good advice. I like the part about doing your best all the time.

I am trying to work on all my projects at home and focus my energy. I am blogging stuff like this to vent.

I figure that many others are in the same situation as me. I would love to have comments back on this. Let's complain and comiserate together. We will get through this time. It hurts now, but we will be okay.