Christmas Day 2008.
We are at my parents for this holiday. Of course this holiday will be memorable. I have the Ph.D. now and this is a getaway of sorts.
Fun over the past few days
We will remember the food poisoning that my wife and I got in Georgia eating the salad at a friend's house. We will remember laying on our backs for about two days with cramping stomachs and having little energy.
I will probably remember taking my kids to the nearby McDonalds on Monday and only drinking Diet Sprite while my kids at their Happy Meals.
We will remember our daughter throwing up in our car yesterday on our way to the mall for lunch.
But today had its fun too.
Mom got sick before lunch and directed my wife and I to go out and find some side dishes because she did not want us to cook. Luckily, the Winn-Dixie was open and we got what we needed. Dad did not realize that the turkey breast he bought yesterday was seasoned with a southwest rub.
The normal disappointment of Christmas
I think that all of the different sicknesses and turns kept me thinking about my usual holiday angst. Normally, I have found Christmas to be a disappointing day in and of itself unless I am busy or distracted.
I suppose that for whoever may be reading this, it is not necessarily a great day for any number of reasons. In a sense, I became a social worker/therapist out of this quest for the most part.
Memories of Christmas are not always good or pleasant. Memories of Christmas are often horrifying or depressing. Some families have just too much garbage or dysfunction to be able to sit in the same building to be happy together. Being home for Christmas isn't worth much either.
For others the pain of the holiday is much more simple. I am recalling a patient in my program who talked about her mother dying on Christmas. She cannot stand Christmas.
The problem is that December 25 comes every year. It does not get excluded from any calendar. It is an official holiday.
The good news for those of us in pain or angst is that Christmas is almost over.
There are 24 hours to Christmas Day. It begins and ends. Tomorrow starts Kwanzaa—with a different celebration for different purposes.
In western culture, Christmas has become a season to meet the demands of the economy. The economy has stretched Christmas to start earlier and earlier. It no longer starts at Advent. When the economy tanks, Christmas tanks.
In 2008 there is all the angst and pain about the economy. Some have lost jobs. Some are worried about jobs. Some are worried about the amount they put on their credit cards this year. The news media speaks for our collective economic pain, whereby we as a nation have not spent enough money for the retailer's bottom line.
Because the economy is bad, Christmas is bad.
We want the pain to stop
Regardless of who we are, we want the pain to stop. We want peace. We want satisfaction and fulfillment.
The key to getting pain to stop is to find ways to stop thinking about it. Your pain and my pain will always be with us. We continue to give it power when we dwell on it.
You and I have the power to give today its own meaning and shape today.
I cannot get you over your own hump. I can only do for me. I can tell you what I do for me, and maybe you can make it work for you too.
I have found myself during this vacation thinking about painful times. I have had to be firm with myself and tell myself that it is only going to matter as much as I let it matter today.
Little things that worked today
Despite the quirkiness of the week, I think that I got lost in a number of little things that built up into a great deal of satisfaction. I would like to think that they all happened because I had them all thought out before, but I did not. They kind of happened, and I was willing to let them happen.
I have found myself creating meaning today by having a number of good long talks with my dad over the southwestern turkey breast and the potato soup. I found myself creating meaning by being with my kids at the pool and showing them how I can stand on my hands under water (to the consequence of continued pain in my right ear). I found meaning trying to help my kids look for shells at a beach with a rough sea.
Tomorrow I head back to my regular life and all the turmoil that the media-magnified information-intensity effect creates. I do not know what the future will hold or how things will work out. That is where I place my faith in God.
However, as simple and quirky as this day was, I think it was worth it and I will cherish it in the chapter of my memories. I did not have great expectations and so I did not have great disappointments.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Settling In for the Holiday
Graduation is Thursday. I will get to be called "Doctor" officially, although some people have been calling me that already.
I have started to get signals that unless something remarkable happens, there is little future for me at the hospital. I started to look for other jobs.
December 2008 is a heck of a time to start looking for jobs. There is a recession going on.
I am mindful of my sales job that I held in 1991. I had a file full of leads that had told me in August to call them back in December. There was a recession in 1991 too.
I thought surely out of all those leads I was going to close some sales. I went though the file in no time. They all delayed me again.
I was desperately looking for a steady job. Sure I had the school bus company I was driving for, but I was a recent masters degree graduate and I was of the opinion that surely I would get something by the virtue of my having moved on beyond college. Surely, since I was a seminary graduate, I was going to get hired by a church. I was naive.
At that time in history, nothing was going to move. The days and weeks crept by slowly. I was not going to get anything immediately. September, 1991 through June, 1992 was one of the slowest time periods in my life. There were no job openings when I thought I needed one. I was suffering.
After a church committee in Columbia, Missouri sent me an insensitive shallow letter, I decided I was going to head to Social Work school. Church personnel committees were too sloppy for me to tolerate. I decided that I was not called to parish ministry.
That was a time of humility. I am mindful of that time now that I have made it to the Ph.D. level. I could still be a line-level social worker in one year from now.
There was one other time in November, 1999 when I decided to look for a new job after I felt abused at a mental health agency by an administrator. It took me five months before I found another job. I started looking in December.
The good news was that those times both passed. The economy had improved, and then there was a recession again in 2000-2002 after the "Dot-Com Bubble." The economy improved again.
I am quite sure that few employers are hiring in December. They are wrapping up the calendar year. They are all evaluating their budgets as to whether or not they are going to hire. They are putting things off until after Christmas. It is the way of organizational function in America. For those of us looking, we are now waiting.
Waiting is more painful when all the world can do is talk about hard times. It really is a heck of a time when you are in a position you do not want to be in and nothing good seems to be happening. Things are slow and things seem larger than life.
That is the reality. This is the time to be settling in. Settling in is difficult. But I think that is what is called for right now.
How do we settle in? First, expect things to move slower. Move slower yourself--not everything has to get done today. Discover other things than what needs to be purchased with money.
Read about history and the past--people made it through these times in the past. Most people did not sink--they pressed on. I can too.
I have started to get signals that unless something remarkable happens, there is little future for me at the hospital. I started to look for other jobs.
December 2008 is a heck of a time to start looking for jobs. There is a recession going on.
I am mindful of my sales job that I held in 1991. I had a file full of leads that had told me in August to call them back in December. There was a recession in 1991 too.
I thought surely out of all those leads I was going to close some sales. I went though the file in no time. They all delayed me again.
I was desperately looking for a steady job. Sure I had the school bus company I was driving for, but I was a recent masters degree graduate and I was of the opinion that surely I would get something by the virtue of my having moved on beyond college. Surely, since I was a seminary graduate, I was going to get hired by a church. I was naive.
At that time in history, nothing was going to move. The days and weeks crept by slowly. I was not going to get anything immediately. September, 1991 through June, 1992 was one of the slowest time periods in my life. There were no job openings when I thought I needed one. I was suffering.
After a church committee in Columbia, Missouri sent me an insensitive shallow letter, I decided I was going to head to Social Work school. Church personnel committees were too sloppy for me to tolerate. I decided that I was not called to parish ministry.
That was a time of humility. I am mindful of that time now that I have made it to the Ph.D. level. I could still be a line-level social worker in one year from now.
There was one other time in November, 1999 when I decided to look for a new job after I felt abused at a mental health agency by an administrator. It took me five months before I found another job. I started looking in December.
The good news was that those times both passed. The economy had improved, and then there was a recession again in 2000-2002 after the "Dot-Com Bubble." The economy improved again.
I am quite sure that few employers are hiring in December. They are wrapping up the calendar year. They are all evaluating their budgets as to whether or not they are going to hire. They are putting things off until after Christmas. It is the way of organizational function in America. For those of us looking, we are now waiting.
Waiting is more painful when all the world can do is talk about hard times. It really is a heck of a time when you are in a position you do not want to be in and nothing good seems to be happening. Things are slow and things seem larger than life.
That is the reality. This is the time to be settling in. Settling in is difficult. But I think that is what is called for right now.
How do we settle in? First, expect things to move slower. Move slower yourself--not everything has to get done today. Discover other things than what needs to be purchased with money.
Read about history and the past--people made it through these times in the past. Most people did not sink--they pressed on. I can too.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Since I've Been Busy I've been Better
I have have had my moments in the past week, but I have actually been better over the last couple of days. The reason: I have been busy.
Idleness only encourages anxiety
Yes, I am now waiting. I have found myself worried at times. The more bad news about the economy--the more I have worried. If I am worried, I am sure that others are worried.
I have found myself sitting around waiting. Of course, the things I have had to wait for included getting my paycheck so I could afford a few things. That was when my mind was really going.
My wife suggested that we put pictures back on the wall now that the siding is all on the house. That was actually quite meaningful. I put up my kids' baby and toddler pictures. It was low-demand concentration that made the walls look good.
My job also has been busy. I have someone out sick. I have had extra to do. It focused me on the business at hand.
Focusing on what you can do
Mind you, I am estimating that at least 92 percent of whoever is reading this has his or her job. They, like me are still working and bringing home the paycheck. That is something that can make us feel better or at least less stressed.
At my place of work, the economy talk has gotten old. That is a good thing given some of the characters I have to supervise. We are back to focusing on our main mission. It is a good thing.
At your place of work, this is a time to focus on your core product or your core service. Mind you not all of us like our jobs, but our work is what is in front of us.
Focusing on the details of your work is better than focusing your mind on things you have no control over. The quality of your work can get better when you focus on it which can lead to more personal satisfaction.
We want to avoid being driven
While focusing on quality in our jobs, it is important to maintain a sense of balance. I have been learning some non-examples of balance from my interim assistant vice president.
She has been literally driven in the way she has been doing her work. She has been driving my boss crazy. I have found myself irritated by her behaviors. I have had to put out some fires with my subordinates.
People who are driven are essentially distracting themselves from the pain or anxiety inside. They work all the time. They act like they are going a million miles an hour. They are restless. They cannot stop.
In their driven state, they burn bridges or they distance themselves from what really matters.
My interim vice president has been quite condescending to some professionals who have been in the business longer than my the VP has been alive.
Driven people are going so fast down the highway of life that they miss the details along the side of the road. Their end result is often job burnout if the burnt bridges did not get them first.
Enough!
To reduce the likelihood of being driven, it is important to set some boundaries. First, you must be able to tell yourself "ENOUGH!" Only so much quality work is going to get done in a day.
Manage your boss
I think that there is much flexibility with many of our bosses. I have found it necessary to say to my boss that I will get as much done as possible today. I have worked to stop saying I will get it all done today. The exceptions to this are if you are under a quota or you have a set route you must run.
Even with the pressure that many firms and corporations are under to be as economizing and miserly as possible, I think that it is possible to negotiate some projects and tasks. If you know your boss's tendencies, you have some tools for negotiation.
What is it all about?
Bringing it back to full circle, I am about feeling better, feeling some sense of peace and some sense of sanity in this otherwise stressful time. The message is to be busy if you are anxious. Work is a good thing. Being productive and active is better than being idle and fretful. There is a limit to how busy one can get--balance is important.
So, find something that needs to be done, and get to it. There is satisfaction in doing something and doing it well.
Idleness only encourages anxiety
Yes, I am now waiting. I have found myself worried at times. The more bad news about the economy--the more I have worried. If I am worried, I am sure that others are worried.
I have found myself sitting around waiting. Of course, the things I have had to wait for included getting my paycheck so I could afford a few things. That was when my mind was really going.
My wife suggested that we put pictures back on the wall now that the siding is all on the house. That was actually quite meaningful. I put up my kids' baby and toddler pictures. It was low-demand concentration that made the walls look good.
My job also has been busy. I have someone out sick. I have had extra to do. It focused me on the business at hand.
Focusing on what you can do
Mind you, I am estimating that at least 92 percent of whoever is reading this has his or her job. They, like me are still working and bringing home the paycheck. That is something that can make us feel better or at least less stressed.
At my place of work, the economy talk has gotten old. That is a good thing given some of the characters I have to supervise. We are back to focusing on our main mission. It is a good thing.
At your place of work, this is a time to focus on your core product or your core service. Mind you not all of us like our jobs, but our work is what is in front of us.
Focusing on the details of your work is better than focusing your mind on things you have no control over. The quality of your work can get better when you focus on it which can lead to more personal satisfaction.
We want to avoid being driven
While focusing on quality in our jobs, it is important to maintain a sense of balance. I have been learning some non-examples of balance from my interim assistant vice president.
She has been literally driven in the way she has been doing her work. She has been driving my boss crazy. I have found myself irritated by her behaviors. I have had to put out some fires with my subordinates.
People who are driven are essentially distracting themselves from the pain or anxiety inside. They work all the time. They act like they are going a million miles an hour. They are restless. They cannot stop.
In their driven state, they burn bridges or they distance themselves from what really matters.
My interim vice president has been quite condescending to some professionals who have been in the business longer than my the VP has been alive.
Driven people are going so fast down the highway of life that they miss the details along the side of the road. Their end result is often job burnout if the burnt bridges did not get them first.
Enough!
To reduce the likelihood of being driven, it is important to set some boundaries. First, you must be able to tell yourself "ENOUGH!" Only so much quality work is going to get done in a day.
Manage your boss
I think that there is much flexibility with many of our bosses. I have found it necessary to say to my boss that I will get as much done as possible today. I have worked to stop saying I will get it all done today. The exceptions to this are if you are under a quota or you have a set route you must run.
Even with the pressure that many firms and corporations are under to be as economizing and miserly as possible, I think that it is possible to negotiate some projects and tasks. If you know your boss's tendencies, you have some tools for negotiation.
What is it all about?
Bringing it back to full circle, I am about feeling better, feeling some sense of peace and some sense of sanity in this otherwise stressful time. The message is to be busy if you are anxious. Work is a good thing. Being productive and active is better than being idle and fretful. There is a limit to how busy one can get--balance is important.
So, find something that needs to be done, and get to it. There is satisfaction in doing something and doing it well.
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