Christmas: No Great Expectations and No Great Disappointments

Christmas Day 2008.

We are at my parents for this holiday. Of course this holiday will be memorable. I have the Ph.D. now and this is a getaway of sorts.

Fun over the past few days

We will remember the food poisoning that my wife and I got in Georgia eating the salad at a friend's house. We will remember laying on our backs for about two days with cramping stomachs and having little energy.
I will probably remember taking my kids to the nearby McDonalds on Monday and only drinking Diet Sprite while my kids at their Happy Meals.
We will remember our daughter throwing up in our car yesterday on our way to the mall for lunch.

But today had its fun too.

Mom got sick before lunch and directed my wife and I to go out and find some side dishes because she did not want us to cook. Luckily, the Winn-Dixie was open and we got what we needed. Dad did not realize that the turkey breast he bought yesterday was seasoned with a southwest rub.

The normal disappointment of Christmas

I think that all of the different sicknesses and turns kept me thinking about my usual holiday angst. Normally, I have found Christmas to be a disappointing day in and of itself unless I am busy or distracted.

I suppose that for whoever may be reading this, it is not necessarily a great day for any number of reasons. In a sense, I became a social worker/therapist out of this quest for the most part.
Memories of Christmas are not always good or pleasant. Memories of Christmas are often horrifying or depressing. Some families have just too much garbage or dysfunction to be able to sit in the same building to be happy together. Being home for Christmas isn't worth much either.
For others the pain of the holiday is much more simple. I am recalling a patient in my program who talked about her mother dying on Christmas. She cannot stand Christmas.


The problem is that December 25 comes every year. It does not get excluded from any calendar. It is an official holiday.

The good news for those of us in pain or angst is that Christmas is almost over.
There are 24 hours to Christmas Day. It begins and ends. Tomorrow starts Kwanzaa—with a different celebration for different purposes.

In western culture, Christmas has become a season to meet the demands of the economy. The economy has stretched Christmas to start earlier and earlier. It no longer starts at Advent. When the economy tanks, Christmas tanks.
In 2008 there is all the angst and pain about the economy. Some have lost jobs. Some are worried about jobs. Some are worried about the amount they put on their credit cards this year. The news media speaks for our collective economic pain, whereby we as a nation have not spent enough money for the retailer's bottom line.
Because the economy is bad, Christmas is bad.

We want the pain to stop

Regardless of who we are, we want the pain to stop. We want peace. We want satisfaction and fulfillment.

The key to getting pain to stop is to find ways to stop thinking about it. Your pain and my pain will always be with us. We continue to give it power when we dwell on it.

You and I have the power to give today its own meaning and shape today.

I cannot get you over your own hump. I can only do for me. I can tell you what I do for me, and maybe you can make it work for you too.

I have found myself during this vacation thinking about painful times. I have had to be firm with myself and tell myself that it is only going to matter as much as I let it matter today.

Little things that worked today

Despite the quirkiness of the week, I think that I got lost in a number of little things that built up into a great deal of satisfaction. I would like to think that they all happened because I had them all thought out before, but I did not. They kind of happened, and I was willing to let them happen.

I have found myself creating meaning today by having a number of good long talks with my dad over the southwestern turkey breast and the potato soup. I found myself creating meaning by being with my kids at the pool and showing them how I can stand on my hands under water (to the consequence of continued pain in my right ear). I found meaning trying to help my kids look for shells at a beach with a rough sea.

Tomorrow I head back to my regular life and all the turmoil that the media-magnified information-intensity effect creates. I do not know what the future will hold or how things will work out. That is where I place my faith in God.

However, as simple and quirky as this day was, I think it was worth it and I will cherish it in the chapter of my memories. I did not have great expectations and so I did not have great disappointments.