Feeling trapped in a shrinking room.

In talking to people this week, I have decided that the best metaphor for right now is "being trapped in a shrinking room." With the current world and national situation, things seem to be closing in on many of us.

We like our freedom. We like to have options.

At this time in our history it seems that we are feeling anything but our freedom and our options. The options that are available are few and we are feeling vulnerable.

In fact, it seems that many of us feel that the number of options available to us are diminishing in number as the economy contracts. We see this effect in both personal and global terms.

By this time it is very possible that you personally know someone who is a victim of the economy. You either know someone who has taken a bath in the stock market and lost a substantial part of their retirement or you know someone who has been laid off.

Furthermore, your workplace is probably flush with talk about options management is considering to reduce loss and survive--some seem reasonable, and some seem unethical. I have one friend who told me that he had quit his job because management told him that they were going to write him and others up and then fire him and them for cause the next week. (Naturally--firing for cause could mean no unemployment depending on what it is.)

In the media magnfied informational intensity we see frequent new stories about the poor performance of the markets and the rising unemployment rate. Congress just passed a stimulus package, but in the back-stepping language of the President and key congressional leaders, it will still take some time for the economy to recover. We are not exactly getting feel good stories out of Washington that make us feel any more assured that our pain is going to be alleviated tomorrow.

Of course, one particular friend has talked about his wife wanting to move back to near her parents. I can relate to this indirectly. While those of us who are married want to please our spouses in every sense of the word, we cannot deliver based on our limitations.

Houses are not exactly selling. Unless you paid outright for your house 15 years ago, it is very unlikely that you can sell your house for any meaningful gain. Furthermore, unless you paid the ton of money to be in one of those perennially hot neighborhoods in your city, your house is not going to sell quickly either. Many of us are trapped in mortgages which means good sense says we must stay where we are if at all possible.

Jobs are not exactly plentiful. While there are a few echelons of society that can move about because of the nature of their work, the 92 percent or so of us who have jobs are not going to be able to transfer or just move across the country.

Of course, then there is the situation (I am sure is existing) where someone lost their job and they can only get a job in another city and their house is not going to sell. This is the poor fortune of many in the formally hot real estate markets.

One personal story I can add comes from the recession of 1991-1992. (You can read previous posts to get other bits of it.) The guy I was renting a room from was being emotionally abusive out of the grief and loss of his mother. He was also beating the drum that he was going to sell the house in a few months and that I would have to find another place to live. His abuse increased so much that I called my parents and discussed my distress. My mom suggested that I look at the YMCA.

With the grace of God, I had a plan to be move out and to another city to pursue another life course before he sold the house. (He actually lived in the house another year before selling it.)
When I felt the world closing in around me, I did find that it did not close all the way. I felt claustrophobic in a sense, but I did not suffocate.

Of course I can look back on it now. But I remember that it was not pleasant in the least. It was still like being lost in a desert where I had miserable dry mouth and no water in sight.

How do we get through it?

The question is: how do we get through it? Of course, I have no easy answer. I can only suggest options. Options that I am willing to try myself.

1. Practice gratitude.

The vast majority of people have what they need: food, clothing, and shelter today and every day. Gratitude is practiced daily.

2 Practice mindfulness of your own situation and act accordingly.

Most of us do just fine managing our bills. So let's do what we do well. Make sure you stay up on your own bills and stay within your means.

3. Work on setting limits and boundaries.

When people cannot say "no" they get themselves into trouble. Of course the average kid whines because you are going to a restaurant today or this week. This is an opportunity to build character and inner strength. (No pain no gain).

On the other hand, when you are saying no to something, you are saying yes to something else. Homemade pizza may not be like going to Red Lobster, but kids are often happy to eat it.

We may have to apprise our loved ones of the truth, facts, and reality. Of course they are not going to like it. Sometimes they must wake up and appreciate the limits of life. There is less pain overall when we do it (mind you I said less pain--not no pain).

4. Stay in the moment.

Imagine yourself looking up at a mountain. The mountain looks large an impossible from a distance. However, each of us is only going to be able to take it one step at a time.

Staring at the big picture is unhealthy if that is all that we do. I think most of us already understand the big picture. It is going to be there . . . and be there . . . and be there.

You and I can only live today. We can only take care of the moment. We can negotiate with the world around us today.

Conclusion

You and I are going to feel like we are in a shrinking room for some time. I feel vulnerable at times.

If you are like me, you occasionally ask if you will have a job next week. This is when I find myself praying and thanking God for what I have today and that I trust him for the future.

This is when I focus on my list of personal goals to improve myself. This is when I create memories with my children that come out of my creativity as opposed to spending money.

Mind you I cannot get you over your own hump. It is okay to be hurting right now. That is what we do. But we will get over our humps and we will get through this time and we will get through the pain.