Even bad times pass . . . while you're still going through them.

It has been over one month since I have written. I have been busy and have chosen to blog about political issues in my neighborhood. It has gotten some attention and I have been taking my own advice and doing that which I have enjoyed. If you have been following and looking to me for thoughts, I am sorry (but at this point, I have not noticed anyone commenting, so I have no idea if anyone is reading these posts).

Otherwise, the month of July 2009 has come and gone and we are now in August. While this is trite, the month has been good and it has been bad. But the good news is 1) we made it through the month, 2) the good times were enjoyed for the most part, and 3) we got through the bad moments.

I still feel somewhat cheated that I really did not get to enjoy the summer. I have only grilled out twice, whereas I usually grill out every weekend. We did not get to go on the summer trip I wanted to go on to show my family where I was raised. The kids go back to school next week.

My wife's illness has been the major issue we did not go on vacation. She is getting better, but at the beginning of July, things seemed like they were not improving at that time. Now she is back to more of her old self. I am hoping that this VP Shunt works this time. Our major problem is her energy level and she can barely get through the grocery store.

If we get to go anywhere, such as my grandmother's funeral (she turned 99 last week and seems in good health, but she at that age could still go), it will be me going alone as my wife is not going to be able to tolerate the road trip. Overall, we were stuck at home but we did get to use the new "Sprayground" at our neighborhood park.

I have also been extremely busy with work as I am short one person (whose position the organization will not fill due to "economic conditions"), and our patient load has picked back up. I had brought work home much of the month. There was no room to take any more time off for me and my family. Yeah, I have the vacation time, but there is no room for me to take it given being short on staffing. Furthermore, if I do take the time off, my wife is not physically capable of going anywhere for any long period of time. I am trying to use my self-talk that this is life and that I need to accept it.

One of our cars had the "service engine soon" light come on again this week and it is running rough. I need to get that serviced, and it will mean the credit card. More credit card debt for something that is not foolish or extravagant really stinks.

Of course thinking about the summer vacations I was supposed to have taken my family on by this time in life is also depressing me. My salary (while decent for most standards) pays the bills and there is little discretionary income left over. It got worse when my organization declared without telling me that my son's antihemophilia medication is now a "Class 4" medication subject to a $200 co-pay. My wife's hospital bills will mean me paying them into Christmas because the neurosurgeon, and the two hospitals all have a $500 co-pay. Yeah, I have my Ph.D., but when do I get to take my kids to Disneyworld and Yellowstone Park?

Okay, so I try to look outward beyond myself. I do have a job. I am keeping the bills paid and I make a little more than the minimums. I know a guy from church who is an accountant and he has been unemployed since January--I tell myself that it could be worse.

My parents came for 11 days. They brought their new dog, a seven-year-old Brittany Spaniel named Coco. He turned out to be like a third child to me whom I greatly enjoyed. It was kind of cool too as I walked through the neighborhood with him, people would ask me what kind of dog he is? Brittany Spaniels are not common in Louisville. Otherwise, I had some good conversations with my mother and they helped out around the house while my wife continued to recover.

Taking everything into account, we did get some meaningful help and not those casseroles that only I would be eating. The people from my office and from church gave us some gift cards and some other simple foods that my kids would eat. While there were many evenings in late June and early July where I felt pretty drained from working like a fiend all day in the frying pain and then jumping into the fire with my wife and kids, people did help us and that was good. It was not all bad.

I go back to thinking that the summer is almost over. It was not always comfortable, and I am clearly not where I want to be, but we made it through. We were not entirely alone. I have made decisions day by day and week by week. I kept my priorities in mind, prayed frequently in both need and in praise, and made reasonable decisions. We had our daily bread every day.

We kept it together. We are keeping it together now.

I have worked hard to avoid the "What if" catastrophic thinking that keeps many people up at night. Being prepared does not require one to constantly dwell on the worst case scenario. We will most likely keep it together in the future. I am keeping hope that the bad times pass even when you're still going through them--it happens one day at a time.